Whose world is it anyway?

There is a lot of chatter about how the lockdown has affected us. Humans are social beings and being locked up isn’t for our species. Being locked up is for criminals and some very conveniently include animals in this category…what’s that? Did I hear someone say animals? And what crime have animals committed? Kindly elaborate. I am all ears.

So we haven’t socialized for over 2 months! We haven’t been able to meet up with friends and family. It can be mentally tormenting, this solitary confinement. You have my sympathies, but perhaps this is the perfect time to reflect. Reflect on the plight of animals who spend the entirety of their lifetime being caged or in other forms of captivity or in uncomfortable habitats because of humans, reflect on the strain we have put nature through, and reflect on the future we have carved for our future generations. Reflect on our actions from dawn till dusk! And let’s rekindle compassion while we are at it!

I have been reflecting this whole time. Have humans realized the propensity of their actions? Will they now empathize with animals in captivity? Will they now treat street animals with care? Are humans reassessing and planning for a positive change in their behavior toward animals and nature?

I tune in to the news to see if there are any reports on humans being kind to animals, or if the government has made any provisions for street animals and animals in captivity. I get disheartened; the media is mainly talking about the pandemic gripping the livelihood of humans and the death tolls. Humans are getting all the focus. Humans are allowed to be affected by the isolation. Humans are being sympathized with. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t take issue with humans. But it does make me uncomfortable that the media and government choose to remain silent about positive and negative stories of animals and nature during the pandemic.

Of course, humans are at the heart of every discussion and policy. They are losing their identity. They are losing their mind. And the government is losing its vote bank. How terrible!

The uncertainty of life due to the pandemic is likened to the challenges faced by animals when they don’t know where their next meal will come from. The hungry nursing street dog has lost her food source. And to add to her worries, the people around her don’t want her or her pups there. They may subject her to unimaginable pain and even poison or stone the family. Such is the grim reality of the life of a street animal.

During the lockdown, cases of animal cruelty have gone up. In Jaipur alone, one animal rights group I have come to be associated with- the Arth Foundation- has been reporting at least 5-6 cases of crimes against animals since the beginning of the lockdown. People are indeed losing their minds! Fortunately, activists are braving the lockdown and fighting to defend animals in their neighborhood. FIRs are being filed and injured animals are being rehabilitated.

The good too goes unreported. Raksha Foundation in Jaipur has been doing commendable work feeding 4600 dogs, 2700 cows, 80000 birds, and 2000 other animals daily in and around the city since March 22nd. They have also installed water tanks so animals can have water during the scorching summer. But the media chooses not to report this.

There is no dearth in good people. But somehow they feel unsupported by laws, government, and family. Had the government included animals in all their messaging when they were asking people to donate or care for humans or to commend those working for humans during the pandemic, many of these “good” people would find the support they need to care for animals.

The wise ones amongst us are reflecting. Ideally, everyone would reflect, but not everyone is wise. In a perfect scenario, we would never have brought the world to its knees. So we clearly have been living in a dystopian reality. Whether we choose to destruct the dystopia or not, is for us to decide. I sure do hope the wise amongst us lead the way.

This is the time to come together and stand in solidarity. All this is forcing us to radically rethink our relationship with nature. It is the time to come to terms with the fundamental truth- that this world is as much theirs as it is ours and that only together can we flourish.

The pandemic has been a wake-up call. Yet many choose to sleep with their eyes open. For those of us who choose to be awake, life will be blissful!

May 3, 2020

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where my views about humans and religion became further entrenched.

I woke up to the horrific news of some Delhi goons brutally striking a mama dog. The clip was disturbing. My eyes couldn’t hold back the tears. All I could think about was the motivation people have to actually go through with such horrendous crimes against nature. And this wasn’t some isolated, unintentional act; these men had made a conscious effort to cause harm to the poor creature. I looked the guy up and was even more shocked to find that he came from an educated working-class background. It was unbelievable, for a moment I thought this was a scene from a Tamil movie. Only that it wasn’t. The one-minute short clip had me crying profusely. What prompted such evil to the surface? No one will ever know.

It took a while for this to sink in. I perhaps even experienced an anxiety attack. Now, every time I get stressed I either begin to clean the house or go stand under the shower as a way of dealing with the panic symptoms I experience. Since I am in a hostel room, the former wasn’t really possible. So it had to be the latter. I undressed and just as I was about to turn the shower knob, I heard a terrifying whine and continual barking. I looked outside the window and I could see something wasn’t right. I put my Tshirt and shorts back on; I didn’t even have time for the bra. I just rushed down the stairs and out on the road. And there it was…just as you think it cannot get worse…

There lay in a pool of blood Pluto, one of the pups from the family of dogs I have been feeding and playing with every day since I moved to the hostel. I gave out a yelp! I saw another pup, who I had named Daisy (previously nicknamed Tom as I thought it was male) suffering in pain. She definitely had injured her hind legs. Now I was screaming and crying. I was in a panic mode. Some neighbors stepped out perhaps because of my screaming. I feel on my knees and tried to revive Pluto, the mom barking and trying with me too. But I knew it was futile. I looked around and there she was the murderer in her grey car just watching me. And then she drove off. I ran after her. She hadn’t gone too far along. She stopped outside a temple and she went in to pray. I waited for her, still all in panic mode. I requested some girls from the neighboring building who followed me to contact the police.

I confronted her. She showed very little remorse. Does it help that her mother later brought out a bowl of milk for the mother of the pups?

I am not sure what I was mad about. Was it the fact that she had run over 2 puppies, one of which had died on the spot and the other one needing urgent medical attention, or was it the fact that she went straight to a temple after "accidentally" running over the pups?

"Who does that?" I kept asking her!! I felt like a madwoman. I told her she had to help me get Daisy to a vet. She didn't pay heed.

She got into her car and drove back to her home, went straight in, and didn’t bother coming out. The accident happened right outside the gate of her house.

The mama dog who I had nicknamed Minnie, was furious and now wouldn’t let me get close to her pups. She was mad, and rightly so. I tried to stop a policeman who was passing by and he did nothing.

Fortunately, in this unfortunate incident, I had access to the Executive Director of FIAPO who also lives in Jaipur and I dialed her. I was shaken. She sent help and the pups were taken to the animal hospital thanks to Raksha Foundation. The whole time I just prayed that Daisy would make it. I could see her mom was in pain too because she had just lost a pup. Yesterday broke a part of me that probably can't ever be fixed.



Later that day, a community member from the animal welfare fraternity Dr. Sahil Singhal and I went to talk to her. She said it was not intentional. That she had gone to the temple to ask for forgiveness. I knew this was all bulls**t.

So I simply asked her one question. If these were human babies that she had “accidentally” run over, would she head to the mandir first, or would she have rushed them to the hospital?” She realized that she had been cornered and pleaded guilty.

Daisy, the other pup was diagnosed with a hip fracture and was brought back to her family after being given some pain killers. She was definitely in a lot of pain. Her road to recovery will be a long one, but she is indeed loved not just by me but also by the feeders who come by especially Nikhil (someone who deserves a whole post for himself).

It was a long, long night for everyone involved. I had to stay up to keep the kiddo off the road (considering the speed at which these cars were being driven) and comfort the mother who wouldn’t leave her child’s side. I bet if any of the neighbors had seen me they would think I am the new crazy dog lady. I rather risk that title than see the mama lose one more of her pups. Then it began to rain and I had to reach out to Nikhil to take the pup to his place as I felt she would be safer there.

But both Nikhil and I kept in touch throughout the night. Neither of us was able to sleep. For me, the image of that morning kept playing in my head. I couldn’t stop reasoning. I couldn’t understand, how people will still use religion to not feel the guilt or remorse. I mean it is so f*cked up, this world!

Most of all I empathized with the mom, who refused to eat anything until she was united with her pup. I know she was mourning the passing of one of her pups, but she was happy to see Daisy make it back to her.

It has been over 36 hours since the incident and now I will finally rest, thanks to Nikhil’s insomnia.

Tomorrow I want to awaken to a very different world; where people are compassionate, and not believers of any religion except the religion of love for all living beings.

It is a long shot, I know. But one can hope. Not that I am a pessimist, as I have also seen some good coming out of our kind, but somehow the bad always overpowers the good when it comes to the treatment of animals.

Whoever made human beings the superior species should undo their error. Even a global zoonotic pandemic hasn’t changed us. I am not sure what will.

Good Night universe. Please grant me my wish.

And my fellow humans, drive slowly and carefully. Be mindful of what you are putting out in this world! The universe is watching!

Part 1- Appearance Matters first!

It’s 7 AM. I don’t usually wake up at this hour. The first of the sun’s rays are beginning to shine through the plant-clad window of my grandmom’s guest room. I can trace the outline of the dressing table and a bookshelf on which you won’t find books, but antiques, crystals, and knick-knacks. My grandmother just as I am a collector of all things cute and old! There is a charm in the old. Perhaps because of the story and meaning that these things decipher.

And then the thoughts come back. Somethings I feel should never change. Style, mannerisms, and hygiene are eternal and common sense! At least they are to me. Now, you’d argue that these should not be one’s first thoughts. But they are…considering how the past 3 years have been.

I am attracted to the brown. This is why I mostly dated Middle eastern and Indian men. They possess a charm like none other. They are warm and well-raised (well at least a majority of them)!

I had had a wonderful dating life in Egypt where I spent 6 years. Egyptian men despite their financial status are classy and charming. They know just how to dress. Now you’d ask why I didn’t settle for such goodness? Why would I move to India when everything was going so well? Kya hai na, I love adventure and at that point commitment scared me! I was wooed with the idea of a Shahrukh Khan. And I escaped to India to experience SRK.

Two years ago I could best be compared with Vaani Kapoor’s character, Shyra, in Befikre. Her story resonated so much with mine, that I felt the writer had known me personally.

I never wanted to settle down. Marriage was a big no-no and I was super flirtatious. The latter hasn’t changed, however, my desire to find a companion has never been stronger. I want my big fat Indian-Persian wedding. Everything is in my head, except for the face of the groom.

I tried dating apps, personal connects, matrimonial sites too. The later is a complete sham! There was no SRK. Not even a hint of him…The quality of men and the fake profiles managed to bring out the worst in me. I abused the men, shamed them, and then finally deleted my profile. Either I leave India or settle for less. But why should I only be faced with these two options? I had a third. I would put it out in the man universe, my idea of a classy man which is based on the old ways, with the hope that someone would take the hint. I can only hope. Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t know what will. So help me God!

Now, this advice isn’t just for my potential groom, but every millennial and Get Z Indian man. I feel like it is my moral obligation to teach you a thing or two about classiness and style. I love serving society you see (I also obviously am helping myself in the process).

I am a biggie on looks, and charm. I am a biggie on intellect and travel experiences. I am a biggie on classiness. And please tell me I ain’t making a mistake by pinning my hopes on the men in India. I do want to have a big fat Indian wedding. I want my heart to find love In SRK’s land. I want to have a Bollywood love story. Tell me, I will.

Religion, superstition, and astrology have no style

Just as we claim that religion and politics should not mix, style and religion shouldn’t. In India I have noticed people don’t simply follow a religion; they wear it! And while I can’t convince 1.3 billion people that religion is a personal space, I hope I can convince 13 of you to ward off your religious paraphernalia and keep your faith to your heart.

What’s with the red and black threads? What’s with the rings? These don’t go well with a suit. Neither do these have any place in the workplace. And neither do these “things”, to the best of my knowledge, ward off evil. If it did, everyone around the world would wear them. Don’t you think?

A thread or ring won’t get you close to god and the absence of it doesn’t translate to you being an atheist. These threads and rings are simply a brilliant idea for a business by some imposter! No wonder they claim that India is a land of jugaad. Those threads and rings were the jugaad of a few men who have managed to convince 1.3 billion people to wear their religion on their wrist, fingers, and around their neck and lately ankles!

If this argument hasn’t convinced you to shed your PDA for religion, let me play the hygiene card.

Imagine not changing your clothes every day. Imagine going to bed with dirt and grime. Imagine your husband engaging in foreplay with all the germs on his wrist and hands. This is what these threads and accessories accumulate and imagine how many months of it! If you change your clothes every day, don’t you think you ought to change the threads too? And don’t your fingers need a breather. When was the last time you took off those rings? Yucks I could never marry or let a man with these threads touch me! I take off all my accessories at night. No threads and rings for me for sure!

Now you can wear a few accessories here and there, but they should complement your look and not be worn because your mom says it will ward off evil!

So let’s put this to a test:

A waistcoat, blazer, tie, shirt, red dhaaga, leather shoes. Pick the odd one out!

Did you pass with flying colors?

Now that I have shed off your childhood accessories, let’s see what a real man wears.

Invest in a good watch!

Yes, you heard me right. A watch is the only accessory a man should wear! A watch for every occasion. There is one for a casual day, one for work, and one for a classy night out. If you don’t believe me, google classy men and count the number of accessories they have worn. My bet is you will only find a watch, hat, belt and nice briefcase!

If you don’t have but one watch, you need to save up and get yourself at least another one, but not of the same style.

What’s your dream watch?

What’s that stench?

Oops, it isn’t all the garbage decomposing in the nearby river, but you!

Haven’t men heard of the deo roll-on? Why then do you not use them? How many times do I get put off by sweat marks that show on your shirts! I feel I must start an NGO that distributes free deodorants to men! Every man should own one amongst his toiletries. Roll-on deodorants combat nasty smells in one quick sweep across your underarm. This makes them perfect for on the go and an ideal companion for the gym and otherwise too. And the fresh feeling lasts for hours.

And please go easy on the cologne. It will not cover the sweat marks. And it’s also important to pick the right fragrance and to do that you must be convinced that wearing the right fragrance can attract the right woman! Read more on a man’s guide to wear cologne here: https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/guide-to-fragrance/

And then head over to the nearest pharmacy and pick up a bottle of deo roll-on.

Aren’t we done with school yet?

Not in India, I think. I will never date a guy who carries a backpack. It’s because I won’t date an IT guy. Yes, you heard me right, carrying a backpack after the age of 25, is a giveaway of your profession. Why not carry a briefcase or messenger bag instead? I told you I was old school!

And please replace your wallet every year if not every quarter. A man should have a good wallet too so it can attract good money! Just kidding :)

What are you wearing?

If you want to be taken seriously, dress the part.

India is a land of colors, for women’s dresses mostly :) Gentlemen, don’t be afraid to experiment with colors. But let’s try to be frugal here. Match them right. And know that it doesn’t take too much for whites to get transformed to beiges!

Go easy on the prints too. And do not wear fakes. Either go for brands or not. Dress well at home too. Your wife and family deserve to see a well kept you too!

Oh yes, how can I forget this one: If you plan on wearing an undershirt make sure it blends in and does not show. I have only seen white vests in India, not because I have experienced a man undressing, but because the shirts are so sheer. And please do not wear sheer! No one wants to know how much body hair you have!

That brings me to this:

Hair business!

I obviously have been typing passionately for a while. I want to wind up soon. So I will just get to the point with this one. Beards should be trimmed and well kept. And if you can’t invest in your beard, just keep a stubble. But please keep something! A clean-shaven man, with no sign of facial hair, looks unattractive and immature.

Please go get a wax or trim job if you have too much body hair. One of the main reasons I won’t ever date an Iranian man! It’s such a put-off. I am aware that you can’t change how God made you. But God didn’t make religion either and we managed to make it such a big part of our life. So we can definitely manage our hair business.

Cut them short!

Is this a thing with Indian men? They like growing one nail particularly long? What for? Yikes!

I have rejected men based on the length of their toe and fingernails! Please go get a mani-pedi! It’s not a service availed by women only. This is where I am a maverick! We can make it a date…ditch the coffee…head to the salon instead! How romantic!

Let me feel it

Why is it that you want your woman to have a good complexion and you don’t take care of yours? See I ain’t a feminist. I care as much for the man as for the woman! Your skin reveals a million words about how you take care of you! Self-love, gentleman, isn’t a term for the ladies only! Please invest in a good skincare routine. Experiment and find what works. Yes, we women notice the chapped lips and blackheads!

Need I say more? Of course, I am Mariam, and I cannot ever have enough to say. But you’ll have to wait for Part 2. And you can just study Shahrukh, Saif, and Hritik, who according to me are the most stylish men in India!

Until I wake up early again! I totally should though…look at my brilliant morning ideas!


For now I hope, I don’t remain single for much longer. Gentlemen please make me fall for you!

Each to his own- Battlefield strategy

She kept forgetting that this is no Utopian country, but far far from it. Had she understood this, it would have been easier for her to survive here.

She can still replay that fateful day in her head when she packed everything up in her Heliopolis apartment in Cairo and moved India leaving behind a man who loved her and her booming business with the hope of adventure and a starry reality. She was delusional, obviously. But that is her, and change had worked well for her before. But India is a different game altogether. The people here are almost a different species, who have adapted and evolved over time. Her family here too had adapted. But she just couldn’t.

Three years, and many many deceitful encounters later, she has to make a decision. But again it isn’t easy.

Why won’t you just leave if you hate it here so much?

Why won’t you go back to Cairo?

What we don’t realize is that people make bad choices all the time. People do. And there are people all over the world.

And she had her own baggage. All her savings spent on trying to make her experience of living in India worthwhile. But at the end of it all, it was squandered, and now she feels trapped again just as described in the chapter of her first book.

She has been betrayed more times than she could cope with. Sometimes she introspects if it is her who is in the wrong because how can so many people be wrong. And then she realizes she hasn’t adapted. She isn’t one of them and she can never be.

She must find an exit.

And while she thinks of a way out, she gets duped again, by people she trusts and people who she has gone above and beyond for.

Do they not realize what they are doing to a psyche of a woman who attributed her heart to India?

On the surface she has pseudo-adapted. She has learned to be firm and blunt. She can be ruthless to people who lack common sense or won’t live up to the expectations of humanness. Ironically, though she is just trusting and hopeful. Trusting of every Indian she meets who comes from an educated class, and trusting that no one talks down about her behind her back, or should I say in front of her in a local language. And hopeful that there are nicer people around and that she will meet them soon. Hope can sometimes be dangerous. This is one of those situations.

She has to pause. She has to think. But all she can think of is how her friends double-crossed her. How she defended them and how they didn't hold up their part of the bargain. How secrets get leaked. How nobody pauses and thinks about the consequences of their actions. And then she realizes, everyone here is an opportunist. They have adapted.

Why does it feel like a war? Where you are only as good as the assets you have? And where you are important only until there is another entrant in the spy game who has more vital assets to share? The moment you have nothing to leak, you get disowned.

To whom can she trust? Or rather how does she shield herself from deceit and belittlement?

Last night she disowned two of her friends who lied and stood her up for their own ulterior motives. You see they probably didn’t want to go against the wishes of the person who could be a business sponsor and the man whom they set me up with just to please him. And all this while she thought, maybe this time, they were actually on her side. It was all a setup. And all she gets is “ but you enjoyed it too! Peace out”! As if that is supposed to make it all go away!

She is of course scarred but didn’t we mention above that to survive here everyone becomes an opportunist. Time she becomes one so she can survive too in this dystopian society India had become since she had last left from its airspace in 2004.

This morning feels different. She has 2 people less in her friend circle and pain of a different kind of betrayal. But there is still so much that is intact: her cozy home, the cats, the search for a new job, some good people she can count on, and her sole self.

But there are developments: she will no longer choose to ignore the signs that come from her gut, and she will no longer defend anyone else until they have proved their loyalty to her (no favors, just give and take). If this is war, she will play along!

Humans Of Corporate 101

My life took a turn in 2017 when I got placed in an IT company- my first corporate in India.

Well, what can I say, I went to the interview dressed in a pair of ripped jeans and a tank top. I basically was dressed to be rejected, as I honestly wasn’t sure I even wanted to be hired! I didn’t think I would make a good candidate, considering I had near nil experience with technical writing.

I remember that call with the recruiter. I wanted to make sure he understood that I didn’t own any formals and I didn’t want to be dressed in formals either. They still wanted me to show up for the interview. I guess I learned during that first visit to the company that corporate attire in India isn’t the same thing as that in the States. I was relieved and hired!

God, things do change! Fast forward to 2019 and my wardrobe now has a handful of formal dresses and I recently went shopping for some pants too!

Thinking about it, as long as you know how to carry your outfit, it really doesn’t matter what brand you wear. It wasn’t my attire that got me hired at my first IT company interview, and neither was it my lack of experience with the IT industry. Rather it was my ability to think outside the box and my confidence in carrying my casual look that won me the deal.

Confidence, therefore, is the key, my friends. Whatever you choose to wear, you must wear confidently! But there are some fashion boo-boos you must avoid even if it means you must disappoint your beliefs.

I am in my third IT job and believe I have made enough observations to help my peers feel confident and accepted. After all the way you present yourself says a lot about you.

Indians have the brains…let’s garnish that with the skill for tasteful dressing and a groomed you!

To begin with, it is my understanding that the average Indian today is earning more than the previous generation. It beats me then why so many of them won’t take care of themselves? What is with this mentality of saving? I rather enjoy the money now while I am young than when I am old and home ridden. I enjoy pedicures and manicures. I hate chipped nail polish, and I absolutely can’t stand men with sweat marks on their shirt! And who goes to meetings with tikkas? What about living well in a well decorated and clean home? Hmm…

So yes, I will say outrageous things, but all in the interest of the general corporate public.

Stay tuned for #humansofcorporate.

India's paradise

I have always wanted to visit “paradise” on earth: a paradise that is disputed and fought for; a paradise that is suffering in silence; a paradise that is virgin, not by choice; a paradise that has been reported to be infested by fear and war; That doesn’t sound like paradise, now does it?

I didn’t think so either, that is until I visited this “paradise” last week for a wedding.

My relationship with Kashmir goes back to 2017 when I dated Arsalan. Going back was my way of feeling connected to him, even though he doesn’t reside there anymore and even though we never did have a future together. But somehow my heart always longed to go back, find his family, and experience the stories he would narrate to me about his homeland. That was the beginning of our love story- of Kashmir and me.

The wedding then was a mere excuse for a bigger purpose.

Kashmir is just as they described it: paradise on earth- serene and green.

Except for the sight of uniformed men standing guard at every nook and corner, for no apparent reason at all, even at random spots. The look on their faces was disheartening. Their eyes numb. Something about this whole thing was quite disturbing. Then there were the convoys that passed us in hoards, just as Arsalan described them, and nothing like the media showed us. There was no war. There was no shooting. Everything was peaceful. Then why is it that we are made to believe that Kashmir is unsafe?

Perhaps a political agenda? About 30% of India’s economy is reserved for the protection of Kashmir. From what I wondered. Imagine if this 30% was poured into development efforts instead? Imagine if the soldiers were given something more fruitful to do. Imagine if they were allowed to go home? How then would the government rationalize the taxes we are paying? War is a business.

But from whom is the Indian army protecting Kashmir? From the Kashmiris who are tired of being controlled and who are actually trying to protect their homeland from a mindless war with India’s neighbor? Ironic isn’t it? No wonder, Kashmiris aren’t in favor of the Indian government. No wonder they are sick and tired. No wonder, Kashmir remains sheltered from the world. No wonder Kashmir is never promoted by the Indian government for tourism purposes. It is almost as if the government wants to paralyze the region so that they are forced to surrender. But Kashmiris are strong economically. Every Kashmiri has a roof above their head. No one is really “homeless” or “hungry”. The only beggars we saw were the ones from Rajasthan and other parts of India. No Kashmiri begs. Instead, the employment index of Kashmir is high. Why doesn’t any media report this story from Kashmir? Beats me.

The roads are paved, the eateries clean and upmarket. Heck, even their airport is much nicer than some of the airports in India’s metro cities.

We are made to believe that Kashmiris are all militants funded by Pakistan. That we should fear them. But I never witnessed this side of Kashmir. Instead, I felt safe, taking in the sights and realizing how much of what the media reports is fabricated. It is hard to believe that Kashmir is made out to be the devil’s land. Some of my closest friends are Kashmiris. Dare anyone call them out as terrorists! There was no war, no bullets, no lunatics firing into the crowd. We only saw Kashmiris living their lives. It is as if they had adapted to being “watched”.

But for how much longer can this continue?

Kashmir is just caught up in this divide between India and Pakistan. It isn’t fair to the people of Kashmir. It isn’t fair to the soldiers. It isn’t fair for the families of the nation’s soldiers. It isn’t fair for tourists. It isn’t fair to Kashmir.

The Indian government claims that Kashmir is theirs. But what they have been doing is pushing Kashmiris away. Clinging on to it by means of arms will only have repercussions.

I only see dialogue as a means to win the confidence of the people of this paradise. Modi has already done wonders with the country’s poor. I am confident that his government can bring peace if they look beyond weapons and violence. It’s time to not be in the offensive. It is time for some real action. It is time Kashmir earns her place in travel bucket lists. It is time paradise be regained. And it is time our soldiers be united with their family.

Priyanka Chopra's Met Gala look- what's all the fuss?

Let’s talk about the Met Gala.

My Instagram feed is flooding with images of Priyanka Chopra in her Met Gala ‘Camp’ look, and I am sure yours is too.

Outrageous! Bang on! Priyanka Chopra-Jonas nailed the theme! By saying just that I may have lost Deepika Padukone fans…

Hold your horses. Don’t jump the guns! Read the caption below the images. Aya samaj main?(Do you now understand?) I see that you still not convinced.

The Met is not for the faint-hearted, let me assure you. The theme’s are always quirky fashion statements, and guests are expected to flaunt it!

But somehow, despite having had some Indian names attend the MET like the actresses, Isha Ambani, and Natasha Poonawala very few back home know the reason behind the weirdness. Some comments go as far as shaming the star for representing India in a ‘negative’ way. Hold on! It is quite the contrary. I commend Priyanka for following the theme and actually becoming the cameras’ pet on the Met red carpet!

If you ask Google about the Met, you will find an entire Wikipedia page devoted to it. It only takes a few minutes to get educated. But somehow the general Indian paltan is too quick to speak- a trait that is associated with weaklings.

I think the celebs themselves could to do a better job at telling their fans all there is about the Met, which marks the opening of the Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit on the first Monday of May.

Until they speak, here’s a quicky:

The Met Gala, established in 1948 is an annual fundraising event for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City. Celebrities from the world over are invited.

So who gets to go?

From $50 to $30,000 apiece for the ticket, the fundraising has come a long long way! This is probably why we haven’t seen a lot of Bollywood there. Of course, not everyone pays for a ticket. A brand will often invite celebrities to sit at its table which costs around $275,000. This is also probably why we don’t find the men of the Indian tinsel-town on there. Brands rather sponsor the ladies who actually have a fan following keeping their expansion goals in mind- think Deepika! I wouldn’t blame them…If you are paying so much, you would rather have someone who has that kind of following. I feel for Ranveer, but hey can men's fashion in India pull in big pesos?

And even if you can afford to, you cannot go- unless of course you are invited…only those celebs that can preach the gospel with their beauty and x-factor get to go! Capisce?

I won’t go through the history as that would be a long haul…let’s go back to when it all started for India-2017.

2017: Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between

2018: Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination 

2019: Camp: Notes on Fashion 

As you can tell, the themes are not the fashion we are accustomed to seeing. Nonetheless, the Indian bourgeoisie and especially our Indian Jonas know just how to make the paparazzi go all gaga!

Let’s focus on this year’s theme- Camp: Notes on Fashion

And what does that even mean? The only camp you probably know is the military camp or a school camp probably. Hmm... This is why we need to make use of this wonderful technology called the internet and reduce our ignorance. Being a computer whizkid or engineer will fill your pockets…but to fill your brain, you may need to actually make use of the tool to become street smart! You can’t just use your brain, when you get paid for it…it was an organ given to humans long before money came into the picture. Money too is the product of our brain...that was when we actually used it! So let’s put it to use again. Being ignorant is not a virtue, let me assure you!

So back to Camp!

You may have guessed by now that Camp has nothing to do with the summer camp. It has everything to do with savoring the fabulousness, irony, and whimsical of being extra. The concept at this year’s Met is inspired by Susan Sontag's 1964 essay that defines camp as "love of the unnatural: of artifice and exaggeration.”

Recall those fashion shows where you went, “eww you call that fashion? Who would even wear that?” That’s Camp fashion for you!

An expression of escapism I would say.

The outfits have an expressive soul. They can be theatrical, they can even be humorous, but never plain.

And now let's scrutinize Ms. Jonas and her choice of outfit!

Disclaimer: I would not otherwise approve this look! But hey it's the Met...and quirky is what floats the boat at the biggest fashion gathering in the city that never sleeps!

So Priyanka's eye-catching Dior couture outfit which took over 1500 hours to create, complete with futuristic makeup, outsize-teased hair, Dior Haute Couture palladium crown, and even a bindi, deserves respect and not memes and trolls for staying true to the theme. Her arriving in the arms of her husband sent a beautiful message too! They both looked the part!

The spectacular gown and cape were made from tulle, featuring embroideries of tulle feathers and silver strass. All the elements came together to scream 'more' and 'chic'!

Still confused about the theme? I wouldn’t fret about it. Perhaps that's the point of it all. Either way, the Met is a reminder that fashion is at its most fun when it's not taking itself too seriously.

So who do you think has followed the theme closely and who hasn’t? Would you still go on to bash Priyanka or any future celebrity who would go all out to actually fit in?

I am breaking up with my dating app

My favorite thing to do on a Sunday is to write, or as technology has it, type, a blog post!

I scroll through my list of subjects I have noted in the pages of my black journal. And no it isn’t a digital one. Somethings just need to be how they’ve always been real and tangible-so as to not lose their charm. So my diary cover reads “Your potential is endless”, very apt for my thoughts that don’t ever rest. These are topics that I write down when I am commuting to work or just sitting at a cafe waiting on a friend, or just some random thoughts that pop at random times or as I witness something happening before my eyes. The list is truly endless.

I settle on a topic. But just to make sure how much has already been fed to Google universe on the subject, I search the keywords: dating apps and their impact on life.

The biggest challenge for a writer is to find something original to say in an ocean of ideas that already exist. In today’s times, it is becoming increasingly cumbersome to reinvent the wheel. So how can I ensure I am heard and referenced? Well, I won’t reinvent the wheel, but yes, I do have something that none of the other writers have: my story and perspective that rises out of those ashes!

Let’s begin:

Once upon a time…not too long ago...

Naa, scratch that.

Technology is seen as a blessing. It has made it possible to meet people you otherwise wouldn’t have. It has been a blessing. And it also has its vices. I am beginning to feel that technology is adopting human-like qualities, while we humans are becoming more technology-like. The latter is definitely easier to prove and I will leave the former to your interpretation as you read through my theory. Where were we? Ah, dating apps.

Given my profession, my age, my long battle with depression, and my diminishing interest in socializing, I have become dependant on technology to keep my love life in check. So why is it that even after having downloaded 4 apps and having a pretty thorough profile, I am still single? 3 years and over 100 matches, and I still haven’t managed to find someone I like?! And until yesterday, I hadn’t given up hope. This article, therefore, is an exercise for me, to revisit my dependancy on these apps at least when it comes to finding a committed partner to whom I am also attracted.

Did I mention that I have been using the dating apps religiously? My best friend tells me there are more apps. Jesus! It is hard to keep up. That coupled with my writing background, I always have a detailed profile, so I don’t have to respond to every one of my matches about the common questions everyone might have. I rather just dive right into more revealing things about a person’s thought process. I always give a brief idea of who I am, and what I do. I also clearly spell out what I am looking for on the platform and also the traits I would like to find and not find in my match.

Remember I told u that I haven’t found anyone yet? Well, that isn’t entirely true. I did come across 2-3 people I really would have liked for things to materialize. 2-3 out of a 100 is a pretty poor score. And it gets worse than that. And that is where I am getting at.

Despite having spelled out what I was looking for, I have men matching me for hookups and FWF. The first of the 3 matched with me on Tinder. The second on Hinge and the third on Inner Circle. From now on I will refer to them as A,P, and S respectively. None of them could commit to me. ‘P’ believed in open relationships although he did treat me as if we were in a relationship. Confusing! ‘A’ had a girlfriend who he claimed wasn’t going to work out with. So he was in search of a companion. ’S’ claims he will fly in to meet me and potentially move -in with me. Him and I only connected 2 days ago.

'A' and I lasted a month and a half. 'P' quit on me after 2 weeks. 'S' well, I am still waiting on his text even though I can see he is online.

And then there are those matches, that read my profile, don’t fit the bill and yet write to me making tall promises that haven’t seen the light of day. And there are the liars, the impersonators, and the day-dreamers who think they stand a chance. Let’s not forget those who assume I will fall for a puppies pic or an image of a rose. Who the f*** do they think is on the other side of the app?

It is maddening and yet we continue. But I want to stop. I fall for people for whom I may just be that distraction, or a shoulder to cry on. But what about me? Why do I allow myself time and again to fall for their trap? Do these men realize what a toll it takes on my mental health as I wait on calls or text messages? Those tears that roll when I get dumped for just following someone's lead, are not worth it! Even an app like Bumble that puts women in charge is bogus!

No one cares about how I feel. They are machines, who are just after one thing or perhaps more if I was skinny or financially stable.

Funny thing is men I am not attracted to, are the ones who give me attention…Is there a way to make these thoughts stop!?

*Will someone I like, accept me and my body as is?

*will he call or message?

*why hasn’t he messaged me yet?

*what did I do for him to back away?

*if I kiss him, will he assume I am a loose girl?

*where the f*** are the good looking ones?

*he never calls, I am the only one who does. What does it all mean?

*will he really fly down?

*I am fat, will he still like me?

*Why am on the app?

I feel I need to get out of the cycle that is messing with my head and sanity. And I am beginning to blame the apps for ruining my chances of meeting someone real. So what if I am not skinny, young, or financially stable? I rather meet a real person who would see and feel my aura first. Not someone who has no empathy and desire for something real. I am also beginning to believe that dating apps are primarily for losers and those who have no self-worth. If you disagree, ask yourself, how many celebrities or well-respected names have a profile on a dating app? I was on there because I admit, I had low self-esteem due to my weight issues. But I realized that there are more f***ed up and lonelier people out there on the dating app universe.

I, therefore, conclude, that most of the humans who use these apps are machines without a heart. These apps, therefore, are not for you and me, who want something meaningful and monogamous. It’s like the tide is against us. I have given 3 years of my life to dating apps. I don’t want to lose more.

This break-up may mean I have to learn to get out and be more comfortable in my own skin. And I will even if it means getting uncomfortable in the beginning. But I won’t let another ‘inhuman’ man, think I am easy or inhuman.

I want to be pursued and toiled for. I won’t settle for less. So bye-bye dating apps and hello peace of mind! A, P, and S no longer will give me sleepless nights and restless mornings.

Disclaimer: I don’t speak as a woman but as a human. I am sure there are men who would echo similar sentiments.

The Blame Game

I feel miserable. Have a hard time falling asleep and a hard time staying asleep. Wake up to bouts of tears. There are traces of anger, confusion, and pain in the rolling drops. The heart is heavy.

Trusting the stranger

I have a feeling I am not the only one. There are more lonely people in this “social” world than we think. 

Eat and let eat!

I have never been a diet-friendly person. In fact, I have never believed in refraining from any kind of food. So dieticians never interested me. Neither did the fancy dieticians usually referred to as “sports nutritionists and nutritionists”. I could not understand how people pay a huge portion of their income for the advice of dieticians and nutritionists when all they ever do is tell you to give up foods that are either part of your culinary culture or part of adding variety to your meals.

With everyone obsessed with weight-loss, I always felt like the out one out. My friends, trainers, and family never really understood why I was so adamant about not following a certain diet. Why did I refuse to have Muesli, oats or granola instead of my bun Maska and chai? And trust me, I have explained to them over and over that diet is not something I can sustain in the long run. “Healthy” food as they call it is expensive, not readily available, and foreign (which means it is wrapped in preservatives).” I stood my ground and just trained at the gym and indulged in my favorite cardio workout- dancing!

So even though I am not a dietician and have no scientific background what so ever, I will be sharing my views on this multi-billion dollar industry and at the end of it I will conclude why I believe it is all a sham. Call me a traditionalist if you please, but what I am about to spell out here will get you thinking about that visit to your dietician or to the organic food store.

Don’t believe your dietician if they prevent you from: 

• Eating white rice and carbs: Silly dietician doesn’t know that brown rice is a new fad. Before brown rice was even introduced into the market, white rice was the only option. And no one was obese. Rice does not cause cholesterol and neither will it make you fat! Neither is bread bad for you! My grandmother is over 70 years old and has been eating bread and rice till date. In China, people live longer even though they have rice and noodles. What is more important is to pay attention to the cooking methods and ingredients. So white rice doesn’t get you fat. It is the level of activity that has taken a dip since your grandmother’s and mother’s generation. And did you know that in Ayurveda, Pita- high people should avoid brown rice? 

• Dairy: My grandmother has no idea what almond and soya milk are. She has always been drinking cow or goat milk.  And Hale and hearty, she is! Wonder why I had never heard of lactose intolerance and gluten-free products before I turned 24. Strange how new research comes about that negates age-old wisdom! And what’s that- Skim milk and fat-free dairy products? How in the world do you separate the fat from dairy? Do ask yourself that before you go buy that almond milk tetra pack! 

• Fruits and sugars: It is not the sugar in fruits that is the problem, it is our activity levels that are. And who in their right mind will tell you to keep away from fruits unless you do have diabetes and have to avoid certain produce? 

What they say you should have:

• Protein bars: What would people have before protein bars? And wait a minute didn’t your dietician advice you against having sugar? Do yourself a favor and pick up a pack of a protein bar and read the ingredients. There is no sugar there right? Protein bars are just a way of baring you from keeping your hard earned dough!

• Weird and tasteless food items for breakfast: Yes I refer to Muesli, oats, and granola as weird and tasteless food items. I remember enjoying a bowl of cornflakes as a child, but that was as far as my tryst with foreign foods has reached. Now, what the hell are these new items? When did they pop up? And I grew up eating bread, butter, and tea. Why should I give that up suddenly? Do you know much more those strange products cost over my normal breakfast? 

• Broccoli and Avocados: How come we are seeing so much of these two everywhere? Where are they grown? Did your parents ever have broccoli before you made them try broccoli soup last year for the first time? And I bet they haven’t even heard of avocados. Go on ask them!  If something isn’t grown locally, it definitely has to have been grown elsewhere and transported to your local vegetable vendor. Imagine the number of preservatives that have been pumped into your salad or soup! 

• Drink 5-6 liters of water: Jesus Christ- I would need to have access to a toilet at all times if I drink so much water. And how do you possibly keep track? I thought work was already too much to keep track of and now I must keep track of how much water I drink. Do you think our grandparents kept track of how many “containers” of water they would go through? Drink enough to stay hydrated and energized that is how I keep a track of my water intake. 

• Have food cooked in ghee and have saboodana khichadi and Greek yogurt: But what if in my culture, we don’t know what ghee is? And why would I have Greek yogurt when I can have normal yogurt? And what the hell is saboodana khichadi? How do you even cook it? I thought diet was supposed to be sustainable.  I am sure these items aren't bad for you. But if they are not your staple food or locally available, don't look too hard. There are other things that will work instead. 

I bet every dietician pretends to show you that they customize their diet plans for you. But I am sure if I do a survey of a majority of their clients’ diet sheet, I would see so many similarities. That is because it is easy to be a dietician. It is easy to fool people into believing that what made one person lose 20 pounds, will also work for you. What we don’t see is the difference in our lifestyles and cultures. Ayurveda

So what should you do? 

• Eat according to your culture: Just because the dietician overlooks your culture’s eating habits doesn’t mean you should. Talk to them and tell them you do not know how to cook saboodana or whatever it is that they are prescribing you. That grilled chicken is difficult and expensive to make since you do not own a griller. 

• Check with your grandmother: If she doesn’t know something, chuck it. And no tetra pack dairy products, please! Also if you cannot pronounce the ingredients, it may clearly be something you do not want inside your body. AVOID! Go for fresh, locally grown produce. 

• Save the Mexican food for your trip to Mexico: Some culinary foods have to have special ingredients that may have to be imported. Think PRESERVATIVES!

• Enjoy your meals, but watch the portions: I will never ever give up biryani or Persian food. I will never give up bun Maska and I will never give up Indian desserts. Instead, I choose to moderate the portions. I also eat when I feel hungry, not every 2 hours on the clock. 

• Don’t keto: Why should I? My grandmother never did and neither did my mother. I also will not fast to detox! You only detox when you eat food that is toxic to you. But why eat toxic food in the first place? When you buy locally grown and bred produce, and wash it before you cook, I bet you won’t have toxins in you. 

• Science is a funny field: Green tea was once good for you, and now its benefits are being questioned. Same with red meat. Whom should you believe? Wait a few more years and granola too will be ousted for the same benefits it is being embraced today. 

• Everything in moderation is fine: Yes you read that right, even alcohol and aerated drinks, can be had. I was a thumbs up addict once not too long ago. It has been a month since I haven't tasted it even. But I won’t stop myself from having a glass with my biryani if I feel the urge to. Drinking a glass of red wine with your dinner is also good. The Italians do it and so can you. Just stick with local wine! 

• Don’t go to a dietician: Use your brains instead and follow your gut feeling. If something you ate caused you constipation or diarrhea, you know to avoid it. Your gut is the best judge of what you can eat and what you should avoid. 

• Avoid the one diet for all syndrome: There is no such thing as uniformity in meals. You need to have a colorful meal. The greens, yellows, reds, purples all need to be on display at the dining table. 

• Quit counting the calories, carbs, and proteins: I will go insane if I have to maintain a food journal and record everything I ate and its exact nutrients. If my gut is happy, I am. If I feel good about myself when I stare into the mirror, I don’t need to know the calories of what I ate. 

• If you want to follow media shows you, don’t lose sight of its past projections:  Who creates trends? Kareena Kapoor or Shilpa Shetty? What about the actors of the yesteryears? Were they a size zero? I don’t think that a size zero is sexy…it is unhealthy if you have to starve yourself to get there? I remember being disappointed that no one would cast me in movies because I wasn’t “skinny”. But why are we doing this to our existence? We should get into that frame of mind and body where we are happy! I love watching the female stars of bygone eras of Bollywood. They were curvy and sexy. 

• Capitalism is another culprit: It has given us the “gift” of options, or should I rather say “curse”. These options, my readers, is a big dilemma. Imagine seeing so many men before having to settle on one groom! Oh boy, I rather call off the marriage! I go to the supermarket and find so many milk options in the aisle. I also see so many varieties of teas, and cheese and sugar. Can the mirror on the wall tell me which one I should pick? 

• Become more active: Take the stairs, walk to your nearest grocery store, Walk around while on a call, and do house chores! We are not putting on weight only because of our food choices; we are obese because we are not as active as our grandparent's generation. Let's move it! move it! 

• Chew like a cow: On the other hand, chew like a cow and take time to enjoy your meal. This is why I prefer not eating by myself as then I eat too much too quickly. I believe in meal companions' I even had one! 

• Don't drink, and eat cold foods: They aren't healthy for your gut. Warm the food and drink warm water when possible. Chilled water even during scorching summers can cause your gut immense discomfort. 

All this translates to common sense is less expensive and more valuable. History too is a good companion. Sit your grandmother down and let her share her food tips with you.  Go through your fridge and pantry and chuck all the food items whose ingredients you don’t recognize or have to google. And remember to always go with what’s fresh and that which makes you happy. If it is sustainable, you have just strengthened your relationship with food. So dear dieticians, 'eat and let eat!'

I invite you to share your experience with diet and dieticians.

Here’s the link to my video on the same topic.

Airbnb- the business of living with the perfect strangers

“Don’t talk to strangers,” my mother’s voice still echoes in my ears that obviously is open to all sorts of noises! 

But I have always been a rebel and I wanted to find out why she would advise me against opening up to strangers.  I still haven’t figured out why she was always apprehensive. 

Up until I was 17, I was a sheltered being. I am now 34, and those words just seem gibberish, particularly because I have bloomed into an amazing human only because I didn’t pay heed to her advice. 

Times have changed, drastically. You can only survive if you do meet and interact with strangers. A sheltered Mariam would have never made something of her existence. I bagged my first paid internship during the first semester of uni only because I garnered courage and went ahead and spoke to the facilitator of a workshop hosted by the Georgia College Press Association (GCPA). Mr. Mark Smith was impressed with me, enough to offer me a paid internship at his newspapers- The Eatonton Messenger and Lake Oconee News. I later on to become the President of the GCPA. That is only one instance where I proved my mother wrong. Sometimes parents have to be challenged. But defiance is not the point I am making here. 

You are all smart and know what I mean. 

My first car, the awards I won at uni, and my travel diaries are all the result of my flamboyant nature. Fast forward to the year 2015, and I took my love for strangers to a whole new level when I started inviting strangers to share my home! Airbnb has fundamentally changed my positioning on strangers. I have met some of the coolest individuals, showed them around Cairo and also shared some of my life’s deepest secrets with them. It has been beautiful. 

And I am not alone. The Airbnb community is growing and rightly so. A lot of people do it for the money. I do it for the companionship. Hosting someone in your house can be a scary thought. What if they loot me? What if they hurt me? I can understand your reservations. And I am not here to convince you that you should blindly trust strangers. What I intend to do, however, is to convince you to put down your guard enough where you can make the most of any conversation with a stranger. Take baby steps. I did too. And now I am a seasoned Airbnb host and traveler. 

So many memorable experiences that it is hard to pin down my favorite. I have hosted people from all over the world and of such diverse backgrounds. Some have stayed a couple of nights and some for weeks! Many have become friends, and some just last as long as their visit. Either way, each guest has left an impact. 

Michelle from Switzerland, Anna from Austria, Beau from the US, Ankit from Mumbai, Sam and …. from the US, Nivedita from Bangalore, Venkat from Hyderabad, Alsu from Russia, Michael from Germany, Indranil from Kolkatta, Anna from Mexico, Ankit from Chandigarh, and I can just go on and on. 

I carefully choose the strangers I want to host, and then make the most of our time together. From reflections over hookah, a dinner, politically incorrect jokes over breakfast, attending music concerts together, and coffee shop conversations, time with Airbnb guests is beyond compare.

Somethings are best experienced with someone you don’t know, and when strangers become a familiar presence, consider you have lived life in the truest sense. 

There can be good and bad moments. Whether you choose to dwell on the bad, is up to you. I have chosen to look beyond the negative experiences and not give in to my mom’s voice. 

The Airbnb model is beyond one of business. The idea of connecting is simply surreal, and yet deeply fulfilling. 

Airbnb can be what you want to make of it. A stopover, or an enriching experience. I always hope for the latter for me and my guests. 

Watch my YouTube video here.

Replaceability is inevitable...just not yet!

Now don't let anyone tell you that you are irreplaceable. I know this sounds harsh, but somehow even you know that I am blatantly honest. 

When my boutique in Cairo was my passion, I was irreplaceable.

Others have replaced me and I have replaced others. As I am sure you have too. So whom do we kid when we tell ourselves that we are too good to be discharged? The truth of the matter is you won't mind being replaced by people, or from positions toward which you have no inclination. But I am sure you would hate your gut if you were to be replaced by someone at a  company or inner circle you most want in.

Five seasons of witnessing the Underwoods unturn every stone solely to hold on to their power in the White House, I have learned a great deal about change, power, and passion. I have Netflix to thank for this; I had forgotten what was most dear to me, and what I wanted to be known for: that I would not have minded being replaced by a new colleague at work, but I would most certainly hate to ax my desire for my words to be noticed. I would hate to not leave a legacy before I am to be replaced by a newbie.  

I am not a tech writer. I can be replaced in that domain. And I know this.  But what I won't allow is for someone to swap me easily. This only boils down to one thing- what is your passion? How important is something to you that you are willing to go any length to make your mark? Unlike the Underwood administration, I hope you have an ethical plan to pursue. 

How difficult is it for a MAC user to go back to using a PC? Quite difficult, but not quite impossible. This is exactly what Apple plays on- making their products difficult to be replaced-so that Apple products can continue to dominate the consumer market long after Steve Jobs' demise. We have something to learn from this: choose your battles and ensure you convey how difficult it would be for someone to knock you down. 

It goes without saying then that brands that have survived this long have pitched their position. They have created a hook, thrown the bait at you, and there you are being pulled into their net. But the fishermen too will someday be replaced as will the fish in their net. 

The space between what you are willing to do and what you ought to do is your passion. Follow your gut. It never betrays. One day a technology is king and the next day it becomes obsolete. Be the Cloud engineer or company with an eye on the future, and not just the cloud engineer or cloud company. You don't want to be easily ousted, now do you?  Find your niche, and let your passion scream your irreplaceability to the environ that is your audience. Don't be disheartened that you were replaced if you never wanted the place from the getgo! Is all I am saying...