Each to his own- Battlefield strategy

She kept forgetting that this is no Utopian country, but far far from it. Had she understood this, it would have been easier for her to survive here.

She can still replay that fateful day in her head when she packed everything up in her Heliopolis apartment in Cairo and moved India leaving behind a man who loved her and her booming business with the hope of adventure and a starry reality. She was delusional, obviously. But that is her, and change had worked well for her before. But India is a different game altogether. The people here are almost a different species, who have adapted and evolved over time. Her family here too had adapted. But she just couldn’t.

Three years, and many many deceitful encounters later, she has to make a decision. But again it isn’t easy.

Why won’t you just leave if you hate it here so much?

Why won’t you go back to Cairo?

What we don’t realize is that people make bad choices all the time. People do. And there are people all over the world.

And she had her own baggage. All her savings spent on trying to make her experience of living in India worthwhile. But at the end of it all, it was squandered, and now she feels trapped again just as described in the chapter of her first book.

She has been betrayed more times than she could cope with. Sometimes she introspects if it is her who is in the wrong because how can so many people be wrong. And then she realizes she hasn’t adapted. She isn’t one of them and she can never be.

She must find an exit.

And while she thinks of a way out, she gets duped again, by people she trusts and people who she has gone above and beyond for.

Do they not realize what they are doing to a psyche of a woman who attributed her heart to India?

On the surface she has pseudo-adapted. She has learned to be firm and blunt. She can be ruthless to people who lack common sense or won’t live up to the expectations of humanness. Ironically, though she is just trusting and hopeful. Trusting of every Indian she meets who comes from an educated class, and trusting that no one talks down about her behind her back, or should I say in front of her in a local language. And hopeful that there are nicer people around and that she will meet them soon. Hope can sometimes be dangerous. This is one of those situations.

She has to pause. She has to think. But all she can think of is how her friends double-crossed her. How she defended them and how they didn't hold up their part of the bargain. How secrets get leaked. How nobody pauses and thinks about the consequences of their actions. And then she realizes, everyone here is an opportunist. They have adapted.

Why does it feel like a war? Where you are only as good as the assets you have? And where you are important only until there is another entrant in the spy game who has more vital assets to share? The moment you have nothing to leak, you get disowned.

To whom can she trust? Or rather how does she shield herself from deceit and belittlement?

Last night she disowned two of her friends who lied and stood her up for their own ulterior motives. You see they probably didn’t want to go against the wishes of the person who could be a business sponsor and the man whom they set me up with just to please him. And all this while she thought, maybe this time, they were actually on her side. It was all a setup. And all she gets is “ but you enjoyed it too! Peace out”! As if that is supposed to make it all go away!

She is of course scarred but didn’t we mention above that to survive here everyone becomes an opportunist. Time she becomes one so she can survive too in this dystopian society India had become since she had last left from its airspace in 2004.

This morning feels different. She has 2 people less in her friend circle and pain of a different kind of betrayal. But there is still so much that is intact: her cozy home, the cats, the search for a new job, some good people she can count on, and her sole self.

But there are developments: she will no longer choose to ignore the signs that come from her gut, and she will no longer defend anyone else until they have proved their loyalty to her (no favors, just give and take). If this is war, she will play along!

India's paradise

I have always wanted to visit “paradise” on earth: a paradise that is disputed and fought for; a paradise that is suffering in silence; a paradise that is virgin, not by choice; a paradise that has been reported to be infested by fear and war; That doesn’t sound like paradise, now does it?

I didn’t think so either, that is until I visited this “paradise” last week for a wedding.

My relationship with Kashmir goes back to 2017 when I dated Arsalan. Going back was my way of feeling connected to him, even though he doesn’t reside there anymore and even though we never did have a future together. But somehow my heart always longed to go back, find his family, and experience the stories he would narrate to me about his homeland. That was the beginning of our love story- of Kashmir and me.

The wedding then was a mere excuse for a bigger purpose.

Kashmir is just as they described it: paradise on earth- serene and green.

Except for the sight of uniformed men standing guard at every nook and corner, for no apparent reason at all, even at random spots. The look on their faces was disheartening. Their eyes numb. Something about this whole thing was quite disturbing. Then there were the convoys that passed us in hoards, just as Arsalan described them, and nothing like the media showed us. There was no war. There was no shooting. Everything was peaceful. Then why is it that we are made to believe that Kashmir is unsafe?

Perhaps a political agenda? About 30% of India’s economy is reserved for the protection of Kashmir. From what I wondered. Imagine if this 30% was poured into development efforts instead? Imagine if the soldiers were given something more fruitful to do. Imagine if they were allowed to go home? How then would the government rationalize the taxes we are paying? War is a business.

But from whom is the Indian army protecting Kashmir? From the Kashmiris who are tired of being controlled and who are actually trying to protect their homeland from a mindless war with India’s neighbor? Ironic isn’t it? No wonder, Kashmiris aren’t in favor of the Indian government. No wonder they are sick and tired. No wonder, Kashmir remains sheltered from the world. No wonder Kashmir is never promoted by the Indian government for tourism purposes. It is almost as if the government wants to paralyze the region so that they are forced to surrender. But Kashmiris are strong economically. Every Kashmiri has a roof above their head. No one is really “homeless” or “hungry”. The only beggars we saw were the ones from Rajasthan and other parts of India. No Kashmiri begs. Instead, the employment index of Kashmir is high. Why doesn’t any media report this story from Kashmir? Beats me.

The roads are paved, the eateries clean and upmarket. Heck, even their airport is much nicer than some of the airports in India’s metro cities.

We are made to believe that Kashmiris are all militants funded by Pakistan. That we should fear them. But I never witnessed this side of Kashmir. Instead, I felt safe, taking in the sights and realizing how much of what the media reports is fabricated. It is hard to believe that Kashmir is made out to be the devil’s land. Some of my closest friends are Kashmiris. Dare anyone call them out as terrorists! There was no war, no bullets, no lunatics firing into the crowd. We only saw Kashmiris living their lives. It is as if they had adapted to being “watched”.

But for how much longer can this continue?

Kashmir is just caught up in this divide between India and Pakistan. It isn’t fair to the people of Kashmir. It isn’t fair to the soldiers. It isn’t fair for the families of the nation’s soldiers. It isn’t fair for tourists. It isn’t fair to Kashmir.

The Indian government claims that Kashmir is theirs. But what they have been doing is pushing Kashmiris away. Clinging on to it by means of arms will only have repercussions.

I only see dialogue as a means to win the confidence of the people of this paradise. Modi has already done wonders with the country’s poor. I am confident that his government can bring peace if they look beyond weapons and violence. It’s time to not be in the offensive. It is time for some real action. It is time Kashmir earns her place in travel bucket lists. It is time paradise be regained. And it is time our soldiers be united with their family.