Each to his own- Battlefield strategy

She kept forgetting that this is no Utopian country, but far far from it. Had she understood this, it would have been easier for her to survive here.

She can still replay that fateful day in her head when she packed everything up in her Heliopolis apartment in Cairo and moved India leaving behind a man who loved her and her booming business with the hope of adventure and a starry reality. She was delusional, obviously. But that is her, and change had worked well for her before. But India is a different game altogether. The people here are almost a different species, who have adapted and evolved over time. Her family here too had adapted. But she just couldn’t.

Three years, and many many deceitful encounters later, she has to make a decision. But again it isn’t easy.

Why won’t you just leave if you hate it here so much?

Why won’t you go back to Cairo?

What we don’t realize is that people make bad choices all the time. People do. And there are people all over the world.

And she had her own baggage. All her savings spent on trying to make her experience of living in India worthwhile. But at the end of it all, it was squandered, and now she feels trapped again just as described in the chapter of her first book.

She has been betrayed more times than she could cope with. Sometimes she introspects if it is her who is in the wrong because how can so many people be wrong. And then she realizes she hasn’t adapted. She isn’t one of them and she can never be.

She must find an exit.

And while she thinks of a way out, she gets duped again, by people she trusts and people who she has gone above and beyond for.

Do they not realize what they are doing to a psyche of a woman who attributed her heart to India?

On the surface she has pseudo-adapted. She has learned to be firm and blunt. She can be ruthless to people who lack common sense or won’t live up to the expectations of humanness. Ironically, though she is just trusting and hopeful. Trusting of every Indian she meets who comes from an educated class, and trusting that no one talks down about her behind her back, or should I say in front of her in a local language. And hopeful that there are nicer people around and that she will meet them soon. Hope can sometimes be dangerous. This is one of those situations.

She has to pause. She has to think. But all she can think of is how her friends double-crossed her. How she defended them and how they didn't hold up their part of the bargain. How secrets get leaked. How nobody pauses and thinks about the consequences of their actions. And then she realizes, everyone here is an opportunist. They have adapted.

Why does it feel like a war? Where you are only as good as the assets you have? And where you are important only until there is another entrant in the spy game who has more vital assets to share? The moment you have nothing to leak, you get disowned.

To whom can she trust? Or rather how does she shield herself from deceit and belittlement?

Last night she disowned two of her friends who lied and stood her up for their own ulterior motives. You see they probably didn’t want to go against the wishes of the person who could be a business sponsor and the man whom they set me up with just to please him. And all this while she thought, maybe this time, they were actually on her side. It was all a setup. And all she gets is “ but you enjoyed it too! Peace out”! As if that is supposed to make it all go away!

She is of course scarred but didn’t we mention above that to survive here everyone becomes an opportunist. Time she becomes one so she can survive too in this dystopian society India had become since she had last left from its airspace in 2004.

This morning feels different. She has 2 people less in her friend circle and pain of a different kind of betrayal. But there is still so much that is intact: her cozy home, the cats, the search for a new job, some good people she can count on, and her sole self.

But there are developments: she will no longer choose to ignore the signs that come from her gut, and she will no longer defend anyone else until they have proved their loyalty to her (no favors, just give and take). If this is war, she will play along!

Humans Of Corporate 101

My life took a turn in 2017 when I got placed in an IT company- my first corporate in India.

Well, what can I say, I went to the interview dressed in a pair of ripped jeans and a tank top. I basically was dressed to be rejected, as I honestly wasn’t sure I even wanted to be hired! I didn’t think I would make a good candidate, considering I had near nil experience with technical writing.

I remember that call with the recruiter. I wanted to make sure he understood that I didn’t own any formals and I didn’t want to be dressed in formals either. They still wanted me to show up for the interview. I guess I learned during that first visit to the company that corporate attire in India isn’t the same thing as that in the States. I was relieved and hired!

God, things do change! Fast forward to 2019 and my wardrobe now has a handful of formal dresses and I recently went shopping for some pants too!

Thinking about it, as long as you know how to carry your outfit, it really doesn’t matter what brand you wear. It wasn’t my attire that got me hired at my first IT company interview, and neither was it my lack of experience with the IT industry. Rather it was my ability to think outside the box and my confidence in carrying my casual look that won me the deal.

Confidence, therefore, is the key, my friends. Whatever you choose to wear, you must wear confidently! But there are some fashion boo-boos you must avoid even if it means you must disappoint your beliefs.

I am in my third IT job and believe I have made enough observations to help my peers feel confident and accepted. After all the way you present yourself says a lot about you.

Indians have the brains…let’s garnish that with the skill for tasteful dressing and a groomed you!

To begin with, it is my understanding that the average Indian today is earning more than the previous generation. It beats me then why so many of them won’t take care of themselves? What is with this mentality of saving? I rather enjoy the money now while I am young than when I am old and home ridden. I enjoy pedicures and manicures. I hate chipped nail polish, and I absolutely can’t stand men with sweat marks on their shirt! And who goes to meetings with tikkas? What about living well in a well decorated and clean home? Hmm…

So yes, I will say outrageous things, but all in the interest of the general corporate public.

Stay tuned for #humansofcorporate.

India's paradise

I have always wanted to visit “paradise” on earth: a paradise that is disputed and fought for; a paradise that is suffering in silence; a paradise that is virgin, not by choice; a paradise that has been reported to be infested by fear and war; That doesn’t sound like paradise, now does it?

I didn’t think so either, that is until I visited this “paradise” last week for a wedding.

My relationship with Kashmir goes back to 2017 when I dated Arsalan. Going back was my way of feeling connected to him, even though he doesn’t reside there anymore and even though we never did have a future together. But somehow my heart always longed to go back, find his family, and experience the stories he would narrate to me about his homeland. That was the beginning of our love story- of Kashmir and me.

The wedding then was a mere excuse for a bigger purpose.

Kashmir is just as they described it: paradise on earth- serene and green.

Except for the sight of uniformed men standing guard at every nook and corner, for no apparent reason at all, even at random spots. The look on their faces was disheartening. Their eyes numb. Something about this whole thing was quite disturbing. Then there were the convoys that passed us in hoards, just as Arsalan described them, and nothing like the media showed us. There was no war. There was no shooting. Everything was peaceful. Then why is it that we are made to believe that Kashmir is unsafe?

Perhaps a political agenda? About 30% of India’s economy is reserved for the protection of Kashmir. From what I wondered. Imagine if this 30% was poured into development efforts instead? Imagine if the soldiers were given something more fruitful to do. Imagine if they were allowed to go home? How then would the government rationalize the taxes we are paying? War is a business.

But from whom is the Indian army protecting Kashmir? From the Kashmiris who are tired of being controlled and who are actually trying to protect their homeland from a mindless war with India’s neighbor? Ironic isn’t it? No wonder, Kashmiris aren’t in favor of the Indian government. No wonder they are sick and tired. No wonder, Kashmir remains sheltered from the world. No wonder Kashmir is never promoted by the Indian government for tourism purposes. It is almost as if the government wants to paralyze the region so that they are forced to surrender. But Kashmiris are strong economically. Every Kashmiri has a roof above their head. No one is really “homeless” or “hungry”. The only beggars we saw were the ones from Rajasthan and other parts of India. No Kashmiri begs. Instead, the employment index of Kashmir is high. Why doesn’t any media report this story from Kashmir? Beats me.

The roads are paved, the eateries clean and upmarket. Heck, even their airport is much nicer than some of the airports in India’s metro cities.

We are made to believe that Kashmiris are all militants funded by Pakistan. That we should fear them. But I never witnessed this side of Kashmir. Instead, I felt safe, taking in the sights and realizing how much of what the media reports is fabricated. It is hard to believe that Kashmir is made out to be the devil’s land. Some of my closest friends are Kashmiris. Dare anyone call them out as terrorists! There was no war, no bullets, no lunatics firing into the crowd. We only saw Kashmiris living their lives. It is as if they had adapted to being “watched”.

But for how much longer can this continue?

Kashmir is just caught up in this divide between India and Pakistan. It isn’t fair to the people of Kashmir. It isn’t fair to the soldiers. It isn’t fair for the families of the nation’s soldiers. It isn’t fair for tourists. It isn’t fair to Kashmir.

The Indian government claims that Kashmir is theirs. But what they have been doing is pushing Kashmiris away. Clinging on to it by means of arms will only have repercussions.

I only see dialogue as a means to win the confidence of the people of this paradise. Modi has already done wonders with the country’s poor. I am confident that his government can bring peace if they look beyond weapons and violence. It’s time to not be in the offensive. It is time for some real action. It is time Kashmir earns her place in travel bucket lists. It is time paradise be regained. And it is time our soldiers be united with their family.

Priyanka Chopra's Met Gala look- what's all the fuss?

Let’s talk about the Met Gala.

My Instagram feed is flooding with images of Priyanka Chopra in her Met Gala ‘Camp’ look, and I am sure yours is too.

Outrageous! Bang on! Priyanka Chopra-Jonas nailed the theme! By saying just that I may have lost Deepika Padukone fans…

Hold your horses. Don’t jump the guns! Read the caption below the images. Aya samaj main?(Do you now understand?) I see that you still not convinced.

The Met is not for the faint-hearted, let me assure you. The theme’s are always quirky fashion statements, and guests are expected to flaunt it!

But somehow, despite having had some Indian names attend the MET like the actresses, Isha Ambani, and Natasha Poonawala very few back home know the reason behind the weirdness. Some comments go as far as shaming the star for representing India in a ‘negative’ way. Hold on! It is quite the contrary. I commend Priyanka for following the theme and actually becoming the cameras’ pet on the Met red carpet!

If you ask Google about the Met, you will find an entire Wikipedia page devoted to it. It only takes a few minutes to get educated. But somehow the general Indian paltan is too quick to speak- a trait that is associated with weaklings.

I think the celebs themselves could to do a better job at telling their fans all there is about the Met, which marks the opening of the Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit on the first Monday of May.

Until they speak, here’s a quicky:

The Met Gala, established in 1948 is an annual fundraising event for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City. Celebrities from the world over are invited.

So who gets to go?

From $50 to $30,000 apiece for the ticket, the fundraising has come a long long way! This is probably why we haven’t seen a lot of Bollywood there. Of course, not everyone pays for a ticket. A brand will often invite celebrities to sit at its table which costs around $275,000. This is also probably why we don’t find the men of the Indian tinsel-town on there. Brands rather sponsor the ladies who actually have a fan following keeping their expansion goals in mind- think Deepika! I wouldn’t blame them…If you are paying so much, you would rather have someone who has that kind of following. I feel for Ranveer, but hey can men's fashion in India pull in big pesos?

And even if you can afford to, you cannot go- unless of course you are invited…only those celebs that can preach the gospel with their beauty and x-factor get to go! Capisce?

I won’t go through the history as that would be a long haul…let’s go back to when it all started for India-2017.

2017: Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between

2018: Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination 

2019: Camp: Notes on Fashion 

As you can tell, the themes are not the fashion we are accustomed to seeing. Nonetheless, the Indian bourgeoisie and especially our Indian Jonas know just how to make the paparazzi go all gaga!

Let’s focus on this year’s theme- Camp: Notes on Fashion

And what does that even mean? The only camp you probably know is the military camp or a school camp probably. Hmm... This is why we need to make use of this wonderful technology called the internet and reduce our ignorance. Being a computer whizkid or engineer will fill your pockets…but to fill your brain, you may need to actually make use of the tool to become street smart! You can’t just use your brain, when you get paid for it…it was an organ given to humans long before money came into the picture. Money too is the product of our brain...that was when we actually used it! So let’s put it to use again. Being ignorant is not a virtue, let me assure you!

So back to Camp!

You may have guessed by now that Camp has nothing to do with the summer camp. It has everything to do with savoring the fabulousness, irony, and whimsical of being extra. The concept at this year’s Met is inspired by Susan Sontag's 1964 essay that defines camp as "love of the unnatural: of artifice and exaggeration.”

Recall those fashion shows where you went, “eww you call that fashion? Who would even wear that?” That’s Camp fashion for you!

An expression of escapism I would say.

The outfits have an expressive soul. They can be theatrical, they can even be humorous, but never plain.

And now let's scrutinize Ms. Jonas and her choice of outfit!

Disclaimer: I would not otherwise approve this look! But hey it's the Met...and quirky is what floats the boat at the biggest fashion gathering in the city that never sleeps!

So Priyanka's eye-catching Dior couture outfit which took over 1500 hours to create, complete with futuristic makeup, outsize-teased hair, Dior Haute Couture palladium crown, and even a bindi, deserves respect and not memes and trolls for staying true to the theme. Her arriving in the arms of her husband sent a beautiful message too! They both looked the part!

The spectacular gown and cape were made from tulle, featuring embroideries of tulle feathers and silver strass. All the elements came together to scream 'more' and 'chic'!

Still confused about the theme? I wouldn’t fret about it. Perhaps that's the point of it all. Either way, the Met is a reminder that fashion is at its most fun when it's not taking itself too seriously.

So who do you think has followed the theme closely and who hasn’t? Would you still go on to bash Priyanka or any future celebrity who would go all out to actually fit in?

I am breaking up with my dating app

My favorite thing to do on a Sunday is to write, or as technology has it, type, a blog post!

I scroll through my list of subjects I have noted in the pages of my black journal. And no it isn’t a digital one. Somethings just need to be how they’ve always been real and tangible-so as to not lose their charm. So my diary cover reads “Your potential is endless”, very apt for my thoughts that don’t ever rest. These are topics that I write down when I am commuting to work or just sitting at a cafe waiting on a friend, or just some random thoughts that pop at random times or as I witness something happening before my eyes. The list is truly endless.

I settle on a topic. But just to make sure how much has already been fed to Google universe on the subject, I search the keywords: dating apps and their impact on life.

The biggest challenge for a writer is to find something original to say in an ocean of ideas that already exist. In today’s times, it is becoming increasingly cumbersome to reinvent the wheel. So how can I ensure I am heard and referenced? Well, I won’t reinvent the wheel, but yes, I do have something that none of the other writers have: my story and perspective that rises out of those ashes!

Let’s begin:

Once upon a time…not too long ago...

Naa, scratch that.

Technology is seen as a blessing. It has made it possible to meet people you otherwise wouldn’t have. It has been a blessing. And it also has its vices. I am beginning to feel that technology is adopting human-like qualities, while we humans are becoming more technology-like. The latter is definitely easier to prove and I will leave the former to your interpretation as you read through my theory. Where were we? Ah, dating apps.

Given my profession, my age, my long battle with depression, and my diminishing interest in socializing, I have become dependant on technology to keep my love life in check. So why is it that even after having downloaded 4 apps and having a pretty thorough profile, I am still single? 3 years and over 100 matches, and I still haven’t managed to find someone I like?! And until yesterday, I hadn’t given up hope. This article, therefore, is an exercise for me, to revisit my dependancy on these apps at least when it comes to finding a committed partner to whom I am also attracted.

Did I mention that I have been using the dating apps religiously? My best friend tells me there are more apps. Jesus! It is hard to keep up. That coupled with my writing background, I always have a detailed profile, so I don’t have to respond to every one of my matches about the common questions everyone might have. I rather just dive right into more revealing things about a person’s thought process. I always give a brief idea of who I am, and what I do. I also clearly spell out what I am looking for on the platform and also the traits I would like to find and not find in my match.

Remember I told u that I haven’t found anyone yet? Well, that isn’t entirely true. I did come across 2-3 people I really would have liked for things to materialize. 2-3 out of a 100 is a pretty poor score. And it gets worse than that. And that is where I am getting at.

Despite having spelled out what I was looking for, I have men matching me for hookups and FWF. The first of the 3 matched with me on Tinder. The second on Hinge and the third on Inner Circle. From now on I will refer to them as A,P, and S respectively. None of them could commit to me. ‘P’ believed in open relationships although he did treat me as if we were in a relationship. Confusing! ‘A’ had a girlfriend who he claimed wasn’t going to work out with. So he was in search of a companion. ’S’ claims he will fly in to meet me and potentially move -in with me. Him and I only connected 2 days ago.

'A' and I lasted a month and a half. 'P' quit on me after 2 weeks. 'S' well, I am still waiting on his text even though I can see he is online.

And then there are those matches, that read my profile, don’t fit the bill and yet write to me making tall promises that haven’t seen the light of day. And there are the liars, the impersonators, and the day-dreamers who think they stand a chance. Let’s not forget those who assume I will fall for a puppies pic or an image of a rose. Who the f*** do they think is on the other side of the app?

It is maddening and yet we continue. But I want to stop. I fall for people for whom I may just be that distraction, or a shoulder to cry on. But what about me? Why do I allow myself time and again to fall for their trap? Do these men realize what a toll it takes on my mental health as I wait on calls or text messages? Those tears that roll when I get dumped for just following someone's lead, are not worth it! Even an app like Bumble that puts women in charge is bogus!

No one cares about how I feel. They are machines, who are just after one thing or perhaps more if I was skinny or financially stable.

Funny thing is men I am not attracted to, are the ones who give me attention…Is there a way to make these thoughts stop!?

*Will someone I like, accept me and my body as is?

*will he call or message?

*why hasn’t he messaged me yet?

*what did I do for him to back away?

*if I kiss him, will he assume I am a loose girl?

*where the f*** are the good looking ones?

*he never calls, I am the only one who does. What does it all mean?

*will he really fly down?

*I am fat, will he still like me?

*Why am on the app?

I feel I need to get out of the cycle that is messing with my head and sanity. And I am beginning to blame the apps for ruining my chances of meeting someone real. So what if I am not skinny, young, or financially stable? I rather meet a real person who would see and feel my aura first. Not someone who has no empathy and desire for something real. I am also beginning to believe that dating apps are primarily for losers and those who have no self-worth. If you disagree, ask yourself, how many celebrities or well-respected names have a profile on a dating app? I was on there because I admit, I had low self-esteem due to my weight issues. But I realized that there are more f***ed up and lonelier people out there on the dating app universe.

I, therefore, conclude, that most of the humans who use these apps are machines without a heart. These apps, therefore, are not for you and me, who want something meaningful and monogamous. It’s like the tide is against us. I have given 3 years of my life to dating apps. I don’t want to lose more.

This break-up may mean I have to learn to get out and be more comfortable in my own skin. And I will even if it means getting uncomfortable in the beginning. But I won’t let another ‘inhuman’ man, think I am easy or inhuman.

I want to be pursued and toiled for. I won’t settle for less. So bye-bye dating apps and hello peace of mind! A, P, and S no longer will give me sleepless nights and restless mornings.

Disclaimer: I don’t speak as a woman but as a human. I am sure there are men who would echo similar sentiments.

The Blame Game

I feel miserable. Have a hard time falling asleep and a hard time staying asleep. Wake up to bouts of tears. There are traces of anger, confusion, and pain in the rolling drops. The heart is heavy.

Trusting the stranger

I have a feeling I am not the only one. There are more lonely people in this “social” world than we think.