I am breaking up with my dating app

My favorite thing to do on a Sunday is to write, or as technology has it, type, a blog post!

I scroll through my list of subjects I have noted in the pages of my black journal. And no it isn’t a digital one. Somethings just need to be how they’ve always been real and tangible-so as to not lose their charm. So my diary cover reads “Your potential is endless”, very apt for my thoughts that don’t ever rest. These are topics that I write down when I am commuting to work or just sitting at a cafe waiting on a friend, or just some random thoughts that pop at random times or as I witness something happening before my eyes. The list is truly endless.

I settle on a topic. But just to make sure how much has already been fed to Google universe on the subject, I search the keywords: dating apps and their impact on life.

The biggest challenge for a writer is to find something original to say in an ocean of ideas that already exist. In today’s times, it is becoming increasingly cumbersome to reinvent the wheel. So how can I ensure I am heard and referenced? Well, I won’t reinvent the wheel, but yes, I do have something that none of the other writers have: my story and perspective that rises out of those ashes!

Let’s begin:

Once upon a time…not too long ago...

Naa, scratch that.

Technology is seen as a blessing. It has made it possible to meet people you otherwise wouldn’t have. It has been a blessing. And it also has its vices. I am beginning to feel that technology is adopting human-like qualities, while we humans are becoming more technology-like. The latter is definitely easier to prove and I will leave the former to your interpretation as you read through my theory. Where were we? Ah, dating apps.

Given my profession, my age, my long battle with depression, and my diminishing interest in socializing, I have become dependant on technology to keep my love life in check. So why is it that even after having downloaded 4 apps and having a pretty thorough profile, I am still single? 3 years and over 100 matches, and I still haven’t managed to find someone I like?! And until yesterday, I hadn’t given up hope. This article, therefore, is an exercise for me, to revisit my dependancy on these apps at least when it comes to finding a committed partner to whom I am also attracted.

Did I mention that I have been using the dating apps religiously? My best friend tells me there are more apps. Jesus! It is hard to keep up. That coupled with my writing background, I always have a detailed profile, so I don’t have to respond to every one of my matches about the common questions everyone might have. I rather just dive right into more revealing things about a person’s thought process. I always give a brief idea of who I am, and what I do. I also clearly spell out what I am looking for on the platform and also the traits I would like to find and not find in my match.

Remember I told u that I haven’t found anyone yet? Well, that isn’t entirely true. I did come across 2-3 people I really would have liked for things to materialize. 2-3 out of a 100 is a pretty poor score. And it gets worse than that. And that is where I am getting at.

Despite having spelled out what I was looking for, I have men matching me for hookups and FWF. The first of the 3 matched with me on Tinder. The second on Hinge and the third on Inner Circle. From now on I will refer to them as A,P, and S respectively. None of them could commit to me. ‘P’ believed in open relationships although he did treat me as if we were in a relationship. Confusing! ‘A’ had a girlfriend who he claimed wasn’t going to work out with. So he was in search of a companion. ’S’ claims he will fly in to meet me and potentially move -in with me. Him and I only connected 2 days ago.

'A' and I lasted a month and a half. 'P' quit on me after 2 weeks. 'S' well, I am still waiting on his text even though I can see he is online.

And then there are those matches, that read my profile, don’t fit the bill and yet write to me making tall promises that haven’t seen the light of day. And there are the liars, the impersonators, and the day-dreamers who think they stand a chance. Let’s not forget those who assume I will fall for a puppies pic or an image of a rose. Who the f*** do they think is on the other side of the app?

It is maddening and yet we continue. But I want to stop. I fall for people for whom I may just be that distraction, or a shoulder to cry on. But what about me? Why do I allow myself time and again to fall for their trap? Do these men realize what a toll it takes on my mental health as I wait on calls or text messages? Those tears that roll when I get dumped for just following someone's lead, are not worth it! Even an app like Bumble that puts women in charge is bogus!

No one cares about how I feel. They are machines, who are just after one thing or perhaps more if I was skinny or financially stable.

Funny thing is men I am not attracted to, are the ones who give me attention…Is there a way to make these thoughts stop!?

*Will someone I like, accept me and my body as is?

*will he call or message?

*why hasn’t he messaged me yet?

*what did I do for him to back away?

*if I kiss him, will he assume I am a loose girl?

*where the f*** are the good looking ones?

*he never calls, I am the only one who does. What does it all mean?

*will he really fly down?

*I am fat, will he still like me?

*Why am on the app?

I feel I need to get out of the cycle that is messing with my head and sanity. And I am beginning to blame the apps for ruining my chances of meeting someone real. So what if I am not skinny, young, or financially stable? I rather meet a real person who would see and feel my aura first. Not someone who has no empathy and desire for something real. I am also beginning to believe that dating apps are primarily for losers and those who have no self-worth. If you disagree, ask yourself, how many celebrities or well-respected names have a profile on a dating app? I was on there because I admit, I had low self-esteem due to my weight issues. But I realized that there are more f***ed up and lonelier people out there on the dating app universe.

I, therefore, conclude, that most of the humans who use these apps are machines without a heart. These apps, therefore, are not for you and me, who want something meaningful and monogamous. It’s like the tide is against us. I have given 3 years of my life to dating apps. I don’t want to lose more.

This break-up may mean I have to learn to get out and be more comfortable in my own skin. And I will even if it means getting uncomfortable in the beginning. But I won’t let another ‘inhuman’ man, think I am easy or inhuman.

I want to be pursued and toiled for. I won’t settle for less. So bye-bye dating apps and hello peace of mind! A, P, and S no longer will give me sleepless nights and restless mornings.

Disclaimer: I don’t speak as a woman but as a human. I am sure there are men who would echo similar sentiments.