Hell bound

I had a very rough night. I should blame one of my closest friends for making me go through this torture again because he convinced me that I need to be there for my aging parents. Yet he wasn't there when I needed to be rescued from the mess he put me into. So I did what I know how to do best- escape to sanity!

My mother and I never see eye to eye on so many issues. Now my dad too has become her ally. I am considered to be the black sheep of the family because I do not respect, what apparently, is a religion I am born into. Well let me tell you, I was not born into a religion. I was born into this world with a brain. This brain has been given to us for a reason- exactly- to reason and use reasoning to find happiness. 

My family on the other hand, is always looking for reasons not to be happy. They regard religion as a gift from God. They can't accept a simple fact-they are Muslim and I am not- which is the truth of my life. Funny thing is there is a verse in the Quran that clearly states, there is no compulsion in religion. Yet they get upset when I don't fast or offer prayers or mourn the death of an imam. 

So about last night, I decided to be a good girl and be home. I didn't plan any dates or drives. I just plainly went home- around 10 pm- which is unusually early for me. I expected to come home to a happy mom. Instead she looked at me with a look of disgust on her face. I didn't think much of it and went about to change into my night dress. 

It was an important night for Shia Muslims. They are expected to stay up all night and mourn. Honestly growing up in a Muslim house, I only experienced sad and boring festivals and rituals. I was more interested in the cultures of my friends and neighbours. I loved how happy their festivals were. How I longed to be happy like them. 

One fine day during my 17th year on this beautiful planet, I met a Sindhi boy who introduced me to his cheerful culture. His family took me in and I never knew sadness thereafter. We dated and after a few months we both eloped to the USA. I could no longer go back to a gloomy life. My mother has since then held him accountable for poisoning my head against Islam. Truth is, I was desperate for someone to come rescue me from my mundane life. 

It so happened that last night I picked a red night dress. Honestly it was an innocent mistake, if at all that. She came howling at me, labeling me as "shaitan/ satan". I looked at her wondering if I should let out a laugh because she herself was dressed in a purple pajama. As far as I know, Muslims wear black when they mourn. So lord behold I brought that to her notice! She came to attack me. I pushed her away. She cursed me. I didn't know how the colour of my nightdress could cause such a ruckus. She said I was a whore. Can you imagine a mother calling her daughter that? I feel such pity for her. Just because I love someone or have male friends, it means I am on a fuck spree. Mind boggling!  

The torture continued this morning. Where mothers wake their children up with a smile and a sweet 'good morning', my mother is always grumpy. She screamed at me to get up and do the house work. Now, I have no issues with doing house work. I have been living independently since I went to the US and so I am a master at doing chores. It was the manner in which she demanded, that ticked me off. I requested her to speak calmly to me, and she came to attack me with her slipper. Now I am 33, and quite capable of defending myself. Which parent in their right mind would beat up their 33 year old daughter unless she had actually murdered someone? I pushed her. She put me under a curse that I would be paralysed. What she doesn't know is that nothing could be worse than suffering what I have with her. She started bad mouthing other religions and their deities. She should not have gone there knowing how supportive her Hindu friends have been to her. 

My mother then went on to bring up my childhood friends from the mosque. They had all been married even though they openly dated guys before their marriage. She forgets that one of the girls she mentioned is happily married to her Hindu husband. Such hypocrisy I tell you!  So I could not really tell what she was mad about- was it the red night dress, my lack of interest in adopting Islam, my modern lifestyle, my male friends, my unmarried state, my choice of clothing, or just something else-and I wasn't going to crack my skull on the wall. I got out of bed, went straight to packing all my belongings and walked out after I held my cat Mish Mish and promised to come back for him. I took an Uber to my Sindhi friend's house where I have always felt at peace. 

A lot of people will disagree with my stance, however, if you have to go through this torture every day with no end of it in sight, I believe you would find a way out too. 

Let me clarify. I have no issues with anyone else observing Islam, or any religion for that matter. I just know what has worked for me and what hasn't. I will never go back to my family, unless they accept me for who I am and apologise for all the filthy thoughts they have about me.  What surprises me is that my father who was so anti-religion has now become an avid Muslim and where I at least had him on my side, I find myself alone. 

So this me, saying I love God and witness his presence in all living things (except snakes and bugs). I just have my own way to communicate with him- by being good to all those around me. Trust me I tried to be good to my family too, because charity begins at home, but there is only so much I can do to clear the fog that has grasped their reasoning. I hope that those who disregard other people on account of their religion, can be blessed with reasoning and compassion. Amen!