Whose world is it anyway?

There is a lot of chatter about how the lockdown has affected us. Humans are social beings and being locked up isn’t for our species. Being locked up is for criminals and some very conveniently include animals in this category…what’s that? Did I hear someone say animals? And what crime have animals committed? Kindly elaborate. I am all ears.

So we haven’t socialized for over 2 months! We haven’t been able to meet up with friends and family. It can be mentally tormenting, this solitary confinement. You have my sympathies, but perhaps this is the perfect time to reflect. Reflect on the plight of animals who spend the entirety of their lifetime being caged or in other forms of captivity or in uncomfortable habitats because of humans, reflect on the strain we have put nature through, and reflect on the future we have carved for our future generations. Reflect on our actions from dawn till dusk! And let’s rekindle compassion while we are at it!

I have been reflecting this whole time. Have humans realized the propensity of their actions? Will they now empathize with animals in captivity? Will they now treat street animals with care? Are humans reassessing and planning for a positive change in their behavior toward animals and nature?

I tune in to the news to see if there are any reports on humans being kind to animals, or if the government has made any provisions for street animals and animals in captivity. I get disheartened; the media is mainly talking about the pandemic gripping the livelihood of humans and the death tolls. Humans are getting all the focus. Humans are allowed to be affected by the isolation. Humans are being sympathized with. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t take issue with humans. But it does make me uncomfortable that the media and government choose to remain silent about positive and negative stories of animals and nature during the pandemic.

Of course, humans are at the heart of every discussion and policy. They are losing their identity. They are losing their mind. And the government is losing its vote bank. How terrible!

The uncertainty of life due to the pandemic is likened to the challenges faced by animals when they don’t know where their next meal will come from. The hungry nursing street dog has lost her food source. And to add to her worries, the people around her don’t want her or her pups there. They may subject her to unimaginable pain and even poison or stone the family. Such is the grim reality of the life of a street animal.

During the lockdown, cases of animal cruelty have gone up. In Jaipur alone, one animal rights group I have come to be associated with- the Arth Foundation- has been reporting at least 5-6 cases of crimes against animals since the beginning of the lockdown. People are indeed losing their minds! Fortunately, activists are braving the lockdown and fighting to defend animals in their neighborhood. FIRs are being filed and injured animals are being rehabilitated.

The good too goes unreported. Raksha Foundation in Jaipur has been doing commendable work feeding 4600 dogs, 2700 cows, 80000 birds, and 2000 other animals daily in and around the city since March 22nd. They have also installed water tanks so animals can have water during the scorching summer. But the media chooses not to report this.

There is no dearth in good people. But somehow they feel unsupported by laws, government, and family. Had the government included animals in all their messaging when they were asking people to donate or care for humans or to commend those working for humans during the pandemic, many of these “good” people would find the support they need to care for animals.

The wise ones amongst us are reflecting. Ideally, everyone would reflect, but not everyone is wise. In a perfect scenario, we would never have brought the world to its knees. So we clearly have been living in a dystopian reality. Whether we choose to destruct the dystopia or not, is for us to decide. I sure do hope the wise amongst us lead the way.

This is the time to come together and stand in solidarity. All this is forcing us to radically rethink our relationship with nature. It is the time to come to terms with the fundamental truth- that this world is as much theirs as it is ours and that only together can we flourish.

The pandemic has been a wake-up call. Yet many choose to sleep with their eyes open. For those of us who choose to be awake, life will be blissful!

May 3, 2020

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those days where my views about humans and religion became further entrenched.

I woke up to the horrific news of some Delhi goons brutally striking a mama dog. The clip was disturbing. My eyes couldn’t hold back the tears. All I could think about was the motivation people have to actually go through with such horrendous crimes against nature. And this wasn’t some isolated, unintentional act; these men had made a conscious effort to cause harm to the poor creature. I looked the guy up and was even more shocked to find that he came from an educated working-class background. It was unbelievable, for a moment I thought this was a scene from a Tamil movie. Only that it wasn’t. The one-minute short clip had me crying profusely. What prompted such evil to the surface? No one will ever know.

It took a while for this to sink in. I perhaps even experienced an anxiety attack. Now, every time I get stressed I either begin to clean the house or go stand under the shower as a way of dealing with the panic symptoms I experience. Since I am in a hostel room, the former wasn’t really possible. So it had to be the latter. I undressed and just as I was about to turn the shower knob, I heard a terrifying whine and continual barking. I looked outside the window and I could see something wasn’t right. I put my Tshirt and shorts back on; I didn’t even have time for the bra. I just rushed down the stairs and out on the road. And there it was…just as you think it cannot get worse…

There lay in a pool of blood Pluto, one of the pups from the family of dogs I have been feeding and playing with every day since I moved to the hostel. I gave out a yelp! I saw another pup, who I had named Daisy (previously nicknamed Tom as I thought it was male) suffering in pain. She definitely had injured her hind legs. Now I was screaming and crying. I was in a panic mode. Some neighbors stepped out perhaps because of my screaming. I feel on my knees and tried to revive Pluto, the mom barking and trying with me too. But I knew it was futile. I looked around and there she was the murderer in her grey car just watching me. And then she drove off. I ran after her. She hadn’t gone too far along. She stopped outside a temple and she went in to pray. I waited for her, still all in panic mode. I requested some girls from the neighboring building who followed me to contact the police.

I confronted her. She showed very little remorse. Does it help that her mother later brought out a bowl of milk for the mother of the pups?

I am not sure what I was mad about. Was it the fact that she had run over 2 puppies, one of which had died on the spot and the other one needing urgent medical attention, or was it the fact that she went straight to a temple after "accidentally" running over the pups?

"Who does that?" I kept asking her!! I felt like a madwoman. I told her she had to help me get Daisy to a vet. She didn't pay heed.

She got into her car and drove back to her home, went straight in, and didn’t bother coming out. The accident happened right outside the gate of her house.

The mama dog who I had nicknamed Minnie, was furious and now wouldn’t let me get close to her pups. She was mad, and rightly so. I tried to stop a policeman who was passing by and he did nothing.

Fortunately, in this unfortunate incident, I had access to the Executive Director of FIAPO who also lives in Jaipur and I dialed her. I was shaken. She sent help and the pups were taken to the animal hospital thanks to Raksha Foundation. The whole time I just prayed that Daisy would make it. I could see her mom was in pain too because she had just lost a pup. Yesterday broke a part of me that probably can't ever be fixed.



Later that day, a community member from the animal welfare fraternity Dr. Sahil Singhal and I went to talk to her. She said it was not intentional. That she had gone to the temple to ask for forgiveness. I knew this was all bulls**t.

So I simply asked her one question. If these were human babies that she had “accidentally” run over, would she head to the mandir first, or would she have rushed them to the hospital?” She realized that she had been cornered and pleaded guilty.

Daisy, the other pup was diagnosed with a hip fracture and was brought back to her family after being given some pain killers. She was definitely in a lot of pain. Her road to recovery will be a long one, but she is indeed loved not just by me but also by the feeders who come by especially Nikhil (someone who deserves a whole post for himself).

It was a long, long night for everyone involved. I had to stay up to keep the kiddo off the road (considering the speed at which these cars were being driven) and comfort the mother who wouldn’t leave her child’s side. I bet if any of the neighbors had seen me they would think I am the new crazy dog lady. I rather risk that title than see the mama lose one more of her pups. Then it began to rain and I had to reach out to Nikhil to take the pup to his place as I felt she would be safer there.

But both Nikhil and I kept in touch throughout the night. Neither of us was able to sleep. For me, the image of that morning kept playing in my head. I couldn’t stop reasoning. I couldn’t understand, how people will still use religion to not feel the guilt or remorse. I mean it is so f*cked up, this world!

Most of all I empathized with the mom, who refused to eat anything until she was united with her pup. I know she was mourning the passing of one of her pups, but she was happy to see Daisy make it back to her.

It has been over 36 hours since the incident and now I will finally rest, thanks to Nikhil’s insomnia.

Tomorrow I want to awaken to a very different world; where people are compassionate, and not believers of any religion except the religion of love for all living beings.

It is a long shot, I know. But one can hope. Not that I am a pessimist, as I have also seen some good coming out of our kind, but somehow the bad always overpowers the good when it comes to the treatment of animals.

Whoever made human beings the superior species should undo their error. Even a global zoonotic pandemic hasn’t changed us. I am not sure what will.

Good Night universe. Please grant me my wish.

And my fellow humans, drive slowly and carefully. Be mindful of what you are putting out in this world! The universe is watching!

Part 1- Appearance Matters first!

It’s 7 AM. I don’t usually wake up at this hour. The first of the sun’s rays are beginning to shine through the plant-clad window of my grandmom’s guest room. I can trace the outline of the dressing table and a bookshelf on which you won’t find books, but antiques, crystals, and knick-knacks. My grandmother just as I am a collector of all things cute and old! There is a charm in the old. Perhaps because of the story and meaning that these things decipher.

And then the thoughts come back. Somethings I feel should never change. Style, mannerisms, and hygiene are eternal and common sense! At least they are to me. Now, you’d argue that these should not be one’s first thoughts. But they are…considering how the past 3 years have been.

I am attracted to the brown. This is why I mostly dated Middle eastern and Indian men. They possess a charm like none other. They are warm and well-raised (well at least a majority of them)!

I had had a wonderful dating life in Egypt where I spent 6 years. Egyptian men despite their financial status are classy and charming. They know just how to dress. Now you’d ask why I didn’t settle for such goodness? Why would I move to India when everything was going so well? Kya hai na, I love adventure and at that point commitment scared me! I was wooed with the idea of a Shahrukh Khan. And I escaped to India to experience SRK.

Two years ago I could best be compared with Vaani Kapoor’s character, Shyra, in Befikre. Her story resonated so much with mine, that I felt the writer had known me personally.

I never wanted to settle down. Marriage was a big no-no and I was super flirtatious. The latter hasn’t changed, however, my desire to find a companion has never been stronger. I want my big fat Indian-Persian wedding. Everything is in my head, except for the face of the groom.

I tried dating apps, personal connects, matrimonial sites too. The later is a complete sham! There was no SRK. Not even a hint of him…The quality of men and the fake profiles managed to bring out the worst in me. I abused the men, shamed them, and then finally deleted my profile. Either I leave India or settle for less. But why should I only be faced with these two options? I had a third. I would put it out in the man universe, my idea of a classy man which is based on the old ways, with the hope that someone would take the hint. I can only hope. Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t know what will. So help me God!

Now, this advice isn’t just for my potential groom, but every millennial and Get Z Indian man. I feel like it is my moral obligation to teach you a thing or two about classiness and style. I love serving society you see (I also obviously am helping myself in the process).

I am a biggie on looks, and charm. I am a biggie on intellect and travel experiences. I am a biggie on classiness. And please tell me I ain’t making a mistake by pinning my hopes on the men in India. I do want to have a big fat Indian wedding. I want my heart to find love In SRK’s land. I want to have a Bollywood love story. Tell me, I will.

Religion, superstition, and astrology have no style

Just as we claim that religion and politics should not mix, style and religion shouldn’t. In India I have noticed people don’t simply follow a religion; they wear it! And while I can’t convince 1.3 billion people that religion is a personal space, I hope I can convince 13 of you to ward off your religious paraphernalia and keep your faith to your heart.

What’s with the red and black threads? What’s with the rings? These don’t go well with a suit. Neither do these have any place in the workplace. And neither do these “things”, to the best of my knowledge, ward off evil. If it did, everyone around the world would wear them. Don’t you think?

A thread or ring won’t get you close to god and the absence of it doesn’t translate to you being an atheist. These threads and rings are simply a brilliant idea for a business by some imposter! No wonder they claim that India is a land of jugaad. Those threads and rings were the jugaad of a few men who have managed to convince 1.3 billion people to wear their religion on their wrist, fingers, and around their neck and lately ankles!

If this argument hasn’t convinced you to shed your PDA for religion, let me play the hygiene card.

Imagine not changing your clothes every day. Imagine going to bed with dirt and grime. Imagine your husband engaging in foreplay with all the germs on his wrist and hands. This is what these threads and accessories accumulate and imagine how many months of it! If you change your clothes every day, don’t you think you ought to change the threads too? And don’t your fingers need a breather. When was the last time you took off those rings? Yucks I could never marry or let a man with these threads touch me! I take off all my accessories at night. No threads and rings for me for sure!

Now you can wear a few accessories here and there, but they should complement your look and not be worn because your mom says it will ward off evil!

So let’s put this to a test:

A waistcoat, blazer, tie, shirt, red dhaaga, leather shoes. Pick the odd one out!

Did you pass with flying colors?

Now that I have shed off your childhood accessories, let’s see what a real man wears.

Invest in a good watch!

Yes, you heard me right. A watch is the only accessory a man should wear! A watch for every occasion. There is one for a casual day, one for work, and one for a classy night out. If you don’t believe me, google classy men and count the number of accessories they have worn. My bet is you will only find a watch, hat, belt and nice briefcase!

If you don’t have but one watch, you need to save up and get yourself at least another one, but not of the same style.

What’s your dream watch?

What’s that stench?

Oops, it isn’t all the garbage decomposing in the nearby river, but you!

Haven’t men heard of the deo roll-on? Why then do you not use them? How many times do I get put off by sweat marks that show on your shirts! I feel I must start an NGO that distributes free deodorants to men! Every man should own one amongst his toiletries. Roll-on deodorants combat nasty smells in one quick sweep across your underarm. This makes them perfect for on the go and an ideal companion for the gym and otherwise too. And the fresh feeling lasts for hours.

And please go easy on the cologne. It will not cover the sweat marks. And it’s also important to pick the right fragrance and to do that you must be convinced that wearing the right fragrance can attract the right woman! Read more on a man’s guide to wear cologne here: https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/guide-to-fragrance/

And then head over to the nearest pharmacy and pick up a bottle of deo roll-on.

Aren’t we done with school yet?

Not in India, I think. I will never date a guy who carries a backpack. It’s because I won’t date an IT guy. Yes, you heard me right, carrying a backpack after the age of 25, is a giveaway of your profession. Why not carry a briefcase or messenger bag instead? I told you I was old school!

And please replace your wallet every year if not every quarter. A man should have a good wallet too so it can attract good money! Just kidding :)

What are you wearing?

If you want to be taken seriously, dress the part.

India is a land of colors, for women’s dresses mostly :) Gentlemen, don’t be afraid to experiment with colors. But let’s try to be frugal here. Match them right. And know that it doesn’t take too much for whites to get transformed to beiges!

Go easy on the prints too. And do not wear fakes. Either go for brands or not. Dress well at home too. Your wife and family deserve to see a well kept you too!

Oh yes, how can I forget this one: If you plan on wearing an undershirt make sure it blends in and does not show. I have only seen white vests in India, not because I have experienced a man undressing, but because the shirts are so sheer. And please do not wear sheer! No one wants to know how much body hair you have!

That brings me to this:

Hair business!

I obviously have been typing passionately for a while. I want to wind up soon. So I will just get to the point with this one. Beards should be trimmed and well kept. And if you can’t invest in your beard, just keep a stubble. But please keep something! A clean-shaven man, with no sign of facial hair, looks unattractive and immature.

Please go get a wax or trim job if you have too much body hair. One of the main reasons I won’t ever date an Iranian man! It’s such a put-off. I am aware that you can’t change how God made you. But God didn’t make religion either and we managed to make it such a big part of our life. So we can definitely manage our hair business.

Cut them short!

Is this a thing with Indian men? They like growing one nail particularly long? What for? Yikes!

I have rejected men based on the length of their toe and fingernails! Please go get a mani-pedi! It’s not a service availed by women only. This is where I am a maverick! We can make it a date…ditch the coffee…head to the salon instead! How romantic!

Let me feel it

Why is it that you want your woman to have a good complexion and you don’t take care of yours? See I ain’t a feminist. I care as much for the man as for the woman! Your skin reveals a million words about how you take care of you! Self-love, gentleman, isn’t a term for the ladies only! Please invest in a good skincare routine. Experiment and find what works. Yes, we women notice the chapped lips and blackheads!

Need I say more? Of course, I am Mariam, and I cannot ever have enough to say. But you’ll have to wait for Part 2. And you can just study Shahrukh, Saif, and Hritik, who according to me are the most stylish men in India!

Until I wake up early again! I totally should though…look at my brilliant morning ideas!


For now I hope, I don’t remain single for much longer. Gentlemen please make me fall for you!