When I think of the highlights of last year, I am flooded
with thoughts of love. This past year I
have fallen in love multiple times, or rather felt multiple types of love. True
romantic love that will always stay with me, a filler love that only lasted
three weeks and a companionship that has given me the strength to carry on with
my fight for survival. True and filler
loves are loves we are all familiar with, so I don’t want to discuss them
except in passing mentions. The less understood or rather the commonly
misunderstood type of love is one felt between two individuals that serve as
companions, and one that Arsalan and I have felt for each other.
Arsalan and I had met via a dating application, yet our casual
date grew into something that I will cherish forever. I was grieving a break
up, and fighting a health battle secretly.
He was lonely and attempting a withdrawal from his long-term
relationship. I wouldn’t call what ensued between us a friendship, because we
don’t do the things we did for each other for a friend. Neither was it a
romantic love. He didn’t want any of it, and honestly neither did I. You may begin to think that I am narrating
the story of Bollywood blockbuster ‘Ae Di Hai Mushkil’, but this is reality- a
reality that was part of Arsalan’s and my life since September 27th.
He was not my boyfriend, and I had no reservations in
introducing him as my companion. Many people would reconfirm if I meant that he
is my boyfriend and to their dismay I would say no. As such, companionship is
such a novelty even in today’s world. Only those who are in it can truly explain its
power.
Arsalan has added so much value to my life, as I hope I have
added to his. He has filled my empty space and literally pushed me to defy
fate. I recall him crying when I
confessed to him what the doctor’s had told me after he insisted to know what I
was keeping from him. What ensued was heartbreaking. I have never seen a man
teary eyed for me, much less a man who I had met a few days ago. He empathised with my pain. And while every one of his friends discouraged
him from getting involved, he pursued our relationship. I had just come out of a relationship with a
man who had a girlfriend and was not keen on stepping into another quicksand.
But something about being together felt right. We both needed each other.
“God has led me to you, as though telling me that I need to
help you”, he insisted.
We began to spend a lot of time doing things together. Time
and again he would insist that I pursue treatment. I kept finding excuses for I
knew that I could not afford the treatment and even if I could, the doctors had
told me it would be in vain. But I
decided to do it for him and miracles followed. Indeed it felt like God had sent him.
Every moment with him was one that I can never replicate
with any other man. I owe a great deal of my existence to him and to God. Today
I am getting retreated and while Arsalan has decided that his purpose is done,
I know that he can never be replaced, because I may never need a companion for
the purpose he came. Yes, there was love between us, but it is not the love
that will lead to marriage or even to a relationship in the traditional sense
of the word. Very few would understand
the need to have someone to have breakfast with, or the need to have someone to
share your lunch with, or the need to have someone to just lay beside you. This was Arsalan and me for the days since we
met at London Muffin.
Not everything was hunky-dory mind you. He also had the
other girl, and I had to deal with it.
But I decided that the companionship was worth it. We found a way to
keep her away from our time together. “No calls or messages to and from her;
just block her when you walk through my door,” I had told him. What he did
before he walked through my door was not of my concern. I just wanted to have
our time together. Was I a conspirator
in his crime? I was. But he didn’t want
to hurt her; he knew that she would not understand. Neither did he want to hurt
me. He was also trying to withdraw from her, albeit gradually and I just went
along.
Before you form judgments, allow me to explain. In today’s
world it sometimes becomes necessary to fill your life with people who would
add value without strings attached. I am
not referring to an affair, a one-night stand or a friendship with benefits,
but a relationship that is equally nurturing to the parties involved.
I am not concerned with how Arsalan treats other people; he
was good to me and has given me so many happy breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
We barely went out, yet we never experienced boredom. It is therefore possible to be content in each
other’s company. I gradually got over my ex, am getting treated, and finally
feel a love that has not brought me pain even after Arsalan has moved away.
I hope I have filled his life with some happy memories too. I will probably never know what I really meant to
him. What I do know though is that he gave me so much of himself without even intending to.
Our story, I hope, encourages the lone reader to be more
open to companionship, one free of strings, to fill whatever space he or she wishes to fill with
respect and acceptance. The fruits, I assure you, will be worth the efforts!
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